As those who have benefited from business networking know very well, belonging to a networking group that meets regularly helps establish and maintain relationships that can prosper for years. However, it’s almost inevitable, especially in the ways that these groups are structured, that you wind up in business networking situations with people that you simply just…can’t stand to be around.
Sad to say, drama or bad blood can occur at any time whenever we occupy the same space with other humans – but they’re even more likely in situations where wide varieties of people and personalities interact, and business networking meetings are included in these situations by their very nature.
There are several reasons why you might wind up in a business networking situation with someone you’d rather not have to encounter. I’ll discuss three of the most common reasons I’ve seen over the last two decades, as well as provide some suggestions on how to navigate gracefully and comfortably around these potentially awkward situations.
1. When a Referral from one Member to Another Has Gone Bad
The primary purpose of regular business networking meetings attended by business owners and sales professionals is to develop close enough relationships between members of the group to refer business to one another.
In nearly every case, this is a win-win for the person getting the referral and for the one who gave it. However, in a small percentage of referrals, something has gone wrong. For whatever reason, something happens, and what should have been a positive experience just goes south.
Then human nature kicks in and makes it even worse: People tend to talk about each other, not to each other. Suppose that Margaret gives Larry a referral and for some reason Larry did not deliver what he promised. What tends to happen is that Margaret then tells her friend Sam what an idiot Larry is, and how bad his service is…without ever going to Larry and talking to him to personally discover what went on and discuss how it could be fixed.
At best, this behavior perpetuates the negative feelings – at worst, it exacerbates them.
In my experience, in more than 90% of cases like these, it turns out that there was actually nothing wrong with the referral…it was simply a matter of miscommunication!
The bottom line: Things sometimes go wrong, but don’t perpetuate the problem through lack of open, honest communication. If you take a few minutes right after it happens to talk about it in a non-confrontational way, you’ll avoid making an awkward situation even worse.
2. A personal disagreement
I’ve often said – only half kidding – that networking would be so much easier if people weren’t involved! But since they are, there is inevitably going to be a disagreement now and again. I’ve been asked how this should be handled hundreds of times over the years, and my advice on this has always been the same: Don’t focus on the problem; do focus on the solution.
Why is this? Because if you only focus on the problem you become an expert at the problem – but you never come up with a solution to fix it.
I’ve seen this so many times in the different chapters of the networking organization I founded. A member has a disagreement with another member, and this leads to his obsessing with how much he doesn’t like that person, about what is wrong with that person. He becomes an expert at what is wrong with the person he disagreed with.
And that’s not going to help anyone – not the members in the disagreement, and certainly not the other members of the chapter who have to listen to this drama at every meeting or get-together of the group!
Here is what I suggest to leaders of any networking groups to do when it comes time to intervene in a member dispute. Take aside the member doing the complaining and ask them: Just how bad is this situation? Give them a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the best and 1 being the worst. Here’s the interesting thing: Most of the time, the answer is 3-4. This may be surprising to hear, but in my experience, it’s true.
After the member answers – and if they do indeed answer 3-4 on the scale – ask them this: Why is it so high? They will look at you like you are crazy, and probably say something like, But it is low!
Sure, it’s not a 9 or a 10, but ask them, What is good about the person you are in this disagreement with – to the point that you didn’t give them a 1 or a 2? And most of the time, they will come up with more than one good thing about him or her! The leaders should help the member build on that, and encourage open, honest – and direct – communication between the two members (just as in the first situation above, communication is key). This way, the members can deal with the problem, while also embracing the positive feelings that each member will almost always have in some form or another for the other, as building blocks for finding a solution to the issue.
I can’t stress this enough: If you can focus on the solutions rather than just the disagreement, you absolutely can get through most issues!
3. Networking With Former Spouses, Girl/Boyfriends, etc.
Networking groups tend to attract like-minded people. Because of that, these groups can often bring people together for more than just business. This can be a blessing – but it can quickly turn into a curse if the relationship ends with both members still in the same group!
Short of making a rule that members cannot date – which is simply not realistic or recommended, I would just offer an important point if you ever find yourself in this situation. Yes, a break-up can lead to some awkward moments and feelings of discomfort when you have to face the person regularly in the days and weeks following the breakup. But I argue that the value of the network is so high, that it’s worth working through those feelings – feelings that usually fade, as most people participating in a business networking group are highly professional, evidenced by their joining such a group in the first place.
So, to put it bluntly: suck it up, and continue to network. Don’t lose a network of valuable referral sources you have built over a few days or weeks of discomfort at the most!
And remember – the more professional you remain throughout the breakup and in the time immediately following (by not talking badly about the other person, or bringing your personal situation into the business operations of the group), the more highly you will be viewed by the other members.
No matter what the particular details of the situation, the fact is that at some point or another almost everyone involved in business networking will face an awkward moment with another networker, so it’s probably going to happen to you.
It’s the end game that you should be working toward, and that is growing your business. Don’t ever burn bridges with people in your group, because you never know – you might end up being friends and valued referral partners!
Called the father of modern networking by CNN, Dr. Ivan Misner is a New York Times bestselling author. He is the Founder and Chairman of BNI (www.BNI.com), the world’s largest business networking organization. His book, Networking Like a Pro, can be viewed at www.IvanMisner.com. Dr. Misner is also the Sr. Partner for the Referral Institute (www.ReferralInstitue.com), an international referral training company.
Appreciate the recommendation. Let me try it out.
There’s definately a great deal to learn about this subject.
I love all the points you’ve made.
Ahaa, its good conversation regarding this piece of writing at
this place at this blog, I have read all that, so now me also commenting
at this place.
May I simply just say what a comfort to discover somebody who really understands
what they’re discussing on the net. You actually know how
to bring an issue to light and make it important.
More and more people need to look at this and understand this side
of the story. I was surprised that you’re not more popular because
you definitely possess the gift.
Greetings from California! I’m bored at work so I decided
to check out your website on my iphone during lunch break.
I love the information you provide here and can’t wait to take a look when I get
home. I’m amazed at how fast your blog loaded on my phone ..
I’m not even using WIFI, just 3G .. Anyhow, fantastic
site!
I constantly spent my half an hour to read this blog’s posts everyday along with
a mug of coffee.
hey there and thank you for your info – I have certainly
picked up anything new from right here. I
did however expertise some technical points using this
web site, since I experienced to reload the website lots of times previous to I could get it to load correctly.
I had been wondering if your web host is OK? Not that I am complaining, but
sluggish loading instances times will sometimes affect
your placement in google and could damage your high-quality
score if ads and marketing with Adwords. Anyway I’m
adding this RSS to my e-mail and could look
out for much more of your respective intriguing content.
Ensure that you update this again soon. plenty of
fish natalielise
I am sure this piece of writing has touched all the internet users, its really really
nice article on building up new website.
I loved as much as you’ll receive carried out right here.
The sketch is attractive, your authored subject matter stylish.
nonetheless, you command get bought an impatience over that
you wish be delivering the following. unwell unquestionably
come further formerly again since exactly the same nearly very
often inside case you shield this hike.
It’s not my first time to go to see this web page, i am visiting this site dailly and
get nice facts from here everyday.
Very good blog you have here but I was curious if you knew of any discussion boards that cover the same topics talked about here?
I’d really like to be a part of online community where I can get comments from other knowledgeable individuals that share
the same interest. If you have any recommendations,
please let me know. Bless you!
There is certainly a lot to find out about this subject.
I really like all of the points you made.
Hi mates, its great paragraph regarding tutoringand fully defined, keep it up all the time.
Hello friends, good piece of writing and fastidious
urging commented here, I am actually enjoying by these.
Greetings, There’s no doubt that your site could
possibly be having internet browser compatibility
issues. When I take a look at your web site in Safari, it looks fine
however, if opening in Internet Explorer, it has some overlapping issues.
I simply wanted to provide you with a quick heads up! Aside from that,
excellent site!
I have been browsing online more than three hours lately, yet I by
no means discovered any fascinating article like yours.
It is beautiful price enough for me. In my opinion, if all site owners and bloggers made excellent content
as you probably did, the internet will likely be a lot more useful than ever before.
Why people still make use of to read news
papers when in this technological world all is available on web?
I’m not that much of a online reader to be honest but your sites really nice, keep it up!
I’ll go ahead and bookmark your site to come back in the
future. Many thanks
What a stuff of un-ambiguity and preserveness of valuable experience about unpredicted feelings.
Unquestionably consider that which you said. Your favourite justification appeared to be at the
internet the easiest thing to understand of. I say to you, I definitely get annoyed at
the same time as folks consider worries that they just do not understand about.
You managed to hit the nail upon the highest and outlined out the entire thing with no need side effect ,
folks could take a signal. Will probably be back to get more.
Thanks
Hey I know this is off topic but I was wondering if you
knew of any widgets I could add to my blog that automatically
tweet my newest twitter updates. I’ve been looking for a plug-in like this
for quite some time and was hoping maybe you would have some
experience with something like this. Please let me know if you run into anything.
I truly enjoy reading your blog and I look forward to your new updates.
You made some decent points there. I looked on the net for more information about
the issue and found most individuals will go along with your views on this site.
There’s definately a great deal to learn about this issue.
I really like all the points you made.
Great web site you have here.. It’s difficult to find high quality writing like yours these days.
I truly appreciate individuals like you! Take care!!
After I originally commented I appear to have clicked
the -Notify me when new comments are added- checkbox and now every time a comment is added I receive four emails with the exact same comment.
There has to be a means you can remove me from that service?
Cheers!
Good info. Lucky me I ran across your website by chance (stumbleupon).
I’ve saved it for later!
Just desire to say your article is as astounding.
The clarity in your post is simply spectacular and i could assume you’re
an expert on this subject. Well with your permission let
me to grab your feed to keep updated with forthcoming post.
Thanks a million and please keep up the enjoyable work.
First of all I would like to say superb blog! I had a quick question in which I’d like
to ask if you don’t mind. I was interested to know how you center yourself and clear your mind prior to writing.
I’ve had a tough time clearing my thoughts in getting my ideas out.
I truly do enjoy writing however it just seems like the first
10 to 15 minutes are generally lost just trying
to figure out how to begin. Any suggestions or hints?
Kudos!
Fantastic blog! Do you have any hints for aspiring writers?
I’m hoping to start my own site soon but I’m a little lost
on everything. Would you recommend starting with a free platform like WordPress or go for a paid option? There are so many options out there that I’m completely confused ..
Any ideas? Bless you!
Hmm is anyone else having problems with the images on this blog loading?
I’m trying to find out if its a problem on my end or
if it’s the blog. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated.
Hi there, I do believe your web site could be having web browser compatibility issues.
When I take a look at your site in Safari, it looks fine but when opening in I.E., it’s got some overlapping issues.
I merely wanted to give you a quick heads up!
Aside from that, great blog!
Review my web site best CBD oils
Hey! Do you know if they make any plugins to help with Search Engine Optimization? I’m trying to get my blog to rank for some targeted keywords but I’m not seeing very good results.
If you know of any please share. Kudos!
Feel free to visit my website; CBD oil
I am actually grateful to the holder of this web page
who has shared this impressive post at here.
my homepage :: CBD oil UK
I was able to find good information from your blog articles.
My blog :: CBD oil for pain
An outstanding share! I have just forwarded this onto a coworker
who has been doing a little research on this. And he in fact ordered me dinner due to
the fact that I discovered it for him… lol. So
allow me to reword this…. Thank YOU for the meal!!
But yeah, thanx for spending the time to discuss this matter here on your blog.
Feel free to visit my web page :: best CBD oils UK
I am regular visitor, how are you everybody? This paragraph
posted at this site is actually good.
Here is my homepage … buy CBD oil
After going over a handful of the blog articles on your web page,
I truly appreciate your way of blogging. I added it to my bookmark website list and will be checking back soon. Take a look at my website as well and tell me what you think.
Also visit my homepage; CBD oil for anxiety
Everything is very open with a clear explanation of the issues.
It was really informative. Your site is useful.
Thanks for sharing!
My web-site: CBD oils
I think this is one of the most vital information for me.
And i’m glad reading your article. But should remark on some general things, The website style
is ideal, the articles is really excellent : D. Good
job, cheers
My blog post :: free instagram followers
you’re actually a good webmaster. The site loading
speed is incredible. It seems that you’re doing any distinctive trick.
Also, The contents are masterpiece. you’ve performed a excellent job on this matter!
my page discover this
Heya! I understand this is somewhat off-topic but I needed to ask.
Does running a well-established blog such as yours
take a large amount of work? I am completely new to blogging
but I do write in my diary daily. I’d like to start a blog so I can share my experience
and thoughts online. Please let me know if you have any recommendations or tips for new aspiring
bloggers. Thankyou!
my page – visit here
whoah this blog is excellent i love reading your articles.
Stay up the good work! You recognize, lots of people are looking around for this info,
you could aid them greatly.
Hi there very nice website!! Man .. Beautiful ..
Amazing .. I will bookmark your web site and take the
feeds additionally? I am glad to seek out so many useful information here in the post, we want develop extra techniques on this regard, thanks for sharing.
. . . . .
you tube views
The things i will not understood is in reality how
you’re now not really much more smartly-favored than you can be at the moment.
You happen to be very intelligent. You know thus considerably
with regards to this matter, produced me inside my view imagine it from a great deal of various angles.
Its like men and women aren’t interested unless it really is something to accomplish with Woman gaga!
Your own stuffs great. Always take care of it up!
Here is my website: Double Ovens Electric
This is a topic that’s close to my heart… Best wishes!
Exactly where are your contact details though?
An outstanding share! I have just forwarded this onto a friend who had been conducting a little homework on this.
And he in fact bought me dinner due to the fact that I stumbled
upon it for him… lol. So allow me to reword this….
Thanks for the meal!! But yeah, thanx for spending some time to talk about this subject here on your web page.
Great post.
Sweet blog! I found it while browsing on Yahoo News.
Do you have any suggestions on how to get listed in Yahoo News?
I’ve been trying for a while but I never seem to get there!
Many thanks
Wow that was odd. I just wrote an incredibly long comment
but after I clicked submit my comment didn’t show up.
Grrrr… well I’m not writing all that over again. Anyways, just
wanted to say superb blog!
Here is my page … atlantalocksmithnow.com
My partner and I stumbled over here coming from a different web page and thought I might check things out.
I like what I see so now i’m following you. Look forward to looking at your web
page for a second time.
Feel free to visit my site; tintucsim.com
A remarkable discussion will be worth comment. I really do think that you
should write much more on this topic, it might not be a taboo
matter but usually people do not discuss such subjects. To another!
Many thanks!!
My page; RobbyZNewsum
This web site certainly has all the information I wanted
about this subject and didn’t know who to ask.
I have read so many posts about the blogger lovers except this article is really a fastidious
post, keep it up. adreamoftrains web hosting company
I visited various websites except the audio quality
for audio songs present at this web page is really fabulous.