We live in uncertain, volatile times. Many have lost their retirement savings or their job, even their beloved home. Who could say that someone ripped out of the security of a relationship, or who has suffered a serious accident or lost a coveted job, has not been thrown into the most terrible tumult?
But there is a way of looking at such wrenching loss not as irrevocable, but as a no-man’s land in between the past comfort and the next unknown place we must strive for and grow into. Such “in between” places often involve pain, because without any name to give our current place– like wife, student, author, or business owner– we find ourselves tossed about in a sea of raw, unfamiliar feelings, not a place we know or recognize as ourselves; so naturally we tend to judge and blame ourselves, feeling deflated and devalued, not being who we thought we were. But ours, too, is the chance to stand up and witness such feelings and turmoil, expanding awareness into this new realm. Here are four creative ways to benefit from being pitched into no-man’s land:
1) Use the turmoil to process deep feelings: The deep sadness, panic or anger-whatever the feelings brought up, they seem very strange. But they have always been there. When we were the happy partner or on the boards of four organizations, such uncomfortable feelings were like subterranean radio waves passing so far beneath that we never tuned into their frequency. But with the fall into no-man’s land, they blast us loud and clear. Disappearance of favorable conditions, like a wonderful home, job, or a secure retirement account, exposes us to raw feelings we previously were insulated from. But this very seeming to come unglued can be a great gift. For in that period of being in between two homes, two relationships, or two jobs, the capacity for change, either negative or positive, is infinitely greater than at normal times. It is our job to work hard for the positive change result.
2) Find the gain in our loss: A day in which we show up at the same job and put in our eight hours holds offers many opportunities for change; much can be said for sticking it out during the hard times and not running away from challenge. But, with the loss of that job, or of our home or future financial security– or even the end of a relationship or of the life of someone we hold very dear– we are thrown into much greater confusion and pain than in the normal events of daily life. But as US President Obabma’s advisor Rahm Emmanuel has said, “No great crisis should go to waste.” Impossible as it may feel, try your very hardest to lift yourself up by your bootstraps, saying, yes, I no longer have what I had, so I am no longer who I was; but I can reorganize and reconfigure my whole life. It may mean going back to school for training, or taking steep losses now that will benefit us to fight another year: the main thing is, we are at our deepest core a wonderful person who can and will adapt to ruinous events and difficult changes.
3) Access hidden willpower: In this tumult of no-man’s land lies a very special opportunity, one we do not usually encounter in a more normal life and time. By this, I mean that the less comfort and familiarity we feel in the place of loss, the greater chance we have to to expand our awareness into this uncomfortable place. Chances are, when we do that, we will feel a new energy. Caught in the darkness of the underworld, Odysseus climbs out of no-man’s land and is able to find massive stores of new energy and vision to conquer his greatest challenge, how to manage conditions on his return home. In the stress of our own ordeal, we, too, can locate mammoth energies amidst areas that previously were unconscious. We might suddenly see a new way to start a business previously unimagined, or repair a relationships with beyond what we thought were our skills. Such new knowledge, not accessible in ordinary consciousness, can now be harnessed to remake ourselves and reconfigure our whole lives around new skills and dreams.
4) Develop a personal spiritual program for uplift whether in good times or bad: no remaking of life comes without great pain and a stiff price. Sometimes the obstacles to our new way forward will seem so great that no skill can navigate them. This simply means we are striving to accept and welcome new energies and wisdom rising up from the unconscious. Such work cannot be easy, because it pitches us into the unknown, where alone we can finally open our life out into the light of a new day and find inner peace. To this end, I would suggest adopting a personal spiritual program that draws on our deepest inner resources, both in good times and in bad. One such program, the memorization and meditation on inspirational passages from all great thinkers and religions, supplies the deeper reaches of ourselves with needed food. In times when life just pulverizes cherished supports, such wise words in the depths of one’s consciousness can be a lifeline, and a way to see the positive and the light even amidst the greatest darkness.
About the Author:
Dr. Stephen Ruppenthal is the author of The Path of Direct Awakening: Passages for Meditation. He is also the co-author of Eknath Easwaran’s edition of The Dhammapada and the author of Keats and Zen. He has taught meditation and courses on Han Shan at UC Berkeley and San Francisco State University. Dr. Ruppenthal has published numerous articles on such sites as Beliefnet.com and HealthyWealthynwise. Visit Stephen’s work at www.directawakenings.com.
