In the
early days of love it all seems so bliss filled and romantic – and it feels like
it will last forever.
Then you
settle down, get married, create a home, have kids and…where did the magic go!?
There's so
much to do, the errands never end, the house always needs work, the kids are
demanding, and your love seems to have slipped away.
Or has it?
You wish
you felt more connected. You wish it was more like it was in the beginning when
you couldn't get enough of being together. And perhaps you feel overburdened and
lonely doing the chores and making a living and taking care of the kids and . .
.
Well,
please be kind to yourself, your partner, and your relationship and check to see
if you both feel the same way. Chances are you do. And chances are really good
that because you've cared enough to ask, this kindness will open new
possibilities for deciding to do more of the daily family maintenance and
caretaking-together!
Sure you
may have different schedules. But surely you can find some time when you BOTH
fold the laundry (while watching TV, perhaps!), pick out a new paint color for
the bathroom (even if one of you has to bring home a bunch of swatches from the
home deco store and look them over late at night) or take the kids to the
birthday party together (even if you have to forego a golf game or shopping trip
just this once).
You may be
thinking, big deal, it's still a chore to do that stuff. Yes, that's true if you
only hold on to a worker-bee attitude.
But if you
approach these tasks as ways to be kind and make life more enjoyable, then you
will be well on your way to finding the daily romance in workin' it out
together.
Judith:
Even if we seldom have company that will be shown around our house (meaning they
get to see our bedroom on the second floor), we both make the bed together
nearly every morning. We've remarked on how much this mundane kindness reminds
us of our care for each other and for our home.
Jim:
Frequently one of us washes the dishes after dinner and the other dries. The
tasks may be menial but the bondedness of consciously doing them together is
revitalizing and endearing – while making the work more fun!
So find
just one thing you typically do alone and figure out how to make it a form of
daily kindness to yourselves and to your relationship. The practice of teamwork,
a joint contribution to being together, will allow you to trust one another more
and create new avenues of shared experience and discussion.
And be
really kind and caring to yourselves. For example, include your favorite snacks
and good music if you're doing something like building a new fence, re-doing
your flower beds, painting the house or cleaning out the garage.
Be kind to
one another and make it as fun as possible to get the work done-workin' it out
together!
About
the Authors
If you're
ready for more real romance in your everyday life, be sure to check out Judith &
Jim's "Keeping Romance Alive" program. Just go to:
http://www.judithandjim.com/rp/main.
