I don’t remember who came to my door. I don’t remember what he said. I do remember he was angry.
I had just finished reading a book called “Summerhill” by an English schoolmaster, A.S. Neill. Its theme was ‘freedom, not license’. Each student in Neill’s school was free to do what he wanted as long as the conduct didn’t hurt someone else. The community Neill had created was a free, creative, loving, respectful, responsible interaction of unique human beings.
Recently, I’d been involved in disciplinary battles with my preschool sons. The battles resulted in increasingly destructive behavior in them and increased frustration in me. I decided to give Neill’s methods a try, both with my own children and with other people in my life.
The man at the door wasn’t hurting me. I decided to allow him to vent his anger. I didn’t do it because it was something I ought to do. I did it because I chose to do it. I experienced acceptance of the anger and no desire to retaliate. Suddenly, the anger stopped.
Nothing changed. My house, the door, the living room, the man, were all still there, just as they had been five minutes before.
Yet everything changed. Suddenly, I understood the meaning of words I’d been taught as a child: “But I say unto you, that ye resist not evil; but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also.” Matthew 6:39.
I couldn’t stop playing with these ideas. Was my life the same or was it different? Did I know or did I know nothing? I wasn’t sure.
My five-year-old son Bill began wetting the bed after his youngest brother was born. At first, I ignored the bedwetting. Perhaps it would disappear on its own. When it didn’t, I explained to him why he was too big a boy to wet the bed. The wetting continued. I reasoned with him, threatened him, screamed at him, and spanked him. The wetting continued. I felt more and more angry and frustrated.
Neill frequently dealt with problem behavior by rewarding his students. While rewards for bad behavior didn’t make sense, nothing else had worked. Neill’s ideas worked with the man at the door. I decided to try them with the bedwetting problem.
The next time Bill wet the bed, I gave him a penny. He stared at me in confusion. The following morning, his bed was dry. He never wet it again. My anger and frustration disappeared.
What a powerful tool! I began using Neill’s ideas with neighboring children.
One day, two children were calling each other names in the back yard and threatening to fight. Instead of trying to stop them, I took each aside and asked him if he wanted to fight.
“I don’t want to fight,” each responded, “but he’s making me do it. He’s calling me names and attacking me.”
“Do you want to fight?” I reiterated. “If so, go ahead and do it.”
The boys mumbled to themselves and looked at the ground. Two minutes later, they were happily playing together.
What I was doing contradicted everything society had taught me, but it brought the peace and harmony I desired. Society had taught me to punish people for ‘bad behavior’, but I didn’t punish them. Society had taught me to resist ‘evil’, but I no longer resisted. Society had taught me to fight for peace, but I didn’t fight.
Instead, I simply detached from the anger and turmoil around me and allowed it to happen without responding to it. The anger and turmoil dissipated, and my life and relationships worked. By allowing myself to remain peaceful and harmonious, everything around me became peaceful and harmonious.
I had always understood Matthew 6:39 as an unattainable moral commandment, requiring subservience of my own needs to the needs of others. It wasn’t that at all. It was extremely effective action I could take all by myself, that benefited both me and others. There was no self-denial in that action. There was nothing but self-affirmation and life affirmation. I had never before felt so free, so strong, so powerful, so integrated, so fully in control.
Nothing outside me changed. The only thing that changed was my own thoughts, actions, and emotions.
What I experienced was clearly a mystical experience. As a child, I had been taught to doubt, question, and trust my own judgment. My upbringing didn’t include education about mystical experiences, but I knew these experiences dominated many religions. As I read William James’ “Varieties of Religious Experience”, and texts from Christianity, Buddhism, Zen Buddhism, Confucianism, Taoism, Islam, Hinduism, Plato, and existentialist philosophers, I could recognize my own experience in all the different words.
It was as if different people were describing the same beautiful flower garden. Some talked about roses, some spoke of delphiniums, some noticed the color patterns, some focused on the trellises and paths. If I hadn’t seen the flower garden and were just listening to the words, I would have thought the people were talking about different things. Having seen the flower garden, I knew they were all giving verbal structure and form to the same underlying experience.
Are the religious words true, or is each set of words simply a finger pointing toward the moon? Is there a sense in which words are false idols? Does the meaning of each set of words depend on the human consciousness that hears them and uses them?
I am suggesting the last great frontier is human consciousness. Peace will happen only when each of us takes responsibility for creating it in our own lives.
IT IS ALL VERY SIMPLE
Each of us has only one soul to fix …
Each of us has only one heart to heal …
Each of us has only one head to clear …
our own.
But we need all of us.
Without one, there is disorder …
Without one, there is imperfection …
Without one, there is a hole in harmony …
no whole.
It is all very simple.
We all matter.
© 2003 by Word Sculptures. All rights reserved.
Janet Smith Warfield is a word sculptress and relationship expert, who knows how to bring peace into troubled lives. For 35 years, as a lawyer, mediator, poet, and essayist, she honed her language and people skills to empower every person with whom she has contact. She empowers by asking questions and offering new ways of thinking about old problems. For free excerpts from Janet's forthcoming tips booklet "101 Paths to Peace, Power, and Prosperity", e-mail Janet at Wordsculptures@getresponse.com.
Useful information. Fortunate me I found your website unintentionally, and I’m surprised why this
twist of fate did not took place in advance! I bookmarked it.
Why viewers still make use of to read news papers when in this technological globe all is existing on net?
Hi there Dear, are you really visiting this website on a regular basis, if so then you will definitely obtain nice know-how.
Thanks for sharing such a fastidious idea, piece of writing is nice, thats why i have read
it completely
Hey there just wanted to give you a brief heads up and let you know
a few of the images aren’t loading correctly. I’m not sure why but I think its a linking issue.
I’ve tried it in two different browsers and both show the same results.
Incredible quest there. What occurred after? Take care!
Hello, everything is going well here and ofcourse every one is sharing data, that’s genuinely excellent, keep up writing.
I’m not sure exactly why but this web site is loading very
slow for me. Is anyone else having this problem or is it
a problem on my end? I’ll check back later and see if the problem still
exists.
Wow, that’s what I was looking for, what a data! existing here at this website, thanks admin of this site.
If some one desires expert view on the topic of running a blog after
that i recommend him/her to go to see this webpage, Keep up the fastidious
job.
You really make it seem so easy with your presentation but I find
this matter to be really something which I think I would never understand.
It seems too complicated and very broad for me. I
am looking forward for your next post, I’ll try to get the hang of it!
natalielise plenty of fish
Hi there! I could have sworn I’ve been to this blog before but after browsing through a few of the articles I realized it’s new
to me. Anyhow, I’m certainly delighted I found it and I’ll be bookmarking it and checking back regularly!
pof natalielise
Thanks for any other informative web site. The
place else could I am getting that type of info written in such a perfect method?
I have a venture that I’m just now running on, and I
have been on the glance out for such information.
magnificent put up, very informative. I wonder why the
opposite experts of this sector do not understand this.
You should continue your writing. I am sure, you’ve a great
readers’ base already!
It’s actually a cool and useful piece of information. I’m glad
that you just shared this helpful information with
us. Please keep us up to date like this. Thank you for sharing.
Heya are using WordPress for your blog platform? I’m new to the
blog world but I’m trying to get started and set up my own. Do you need any html coding knowledge to make
your own blog? Any help would be really appreciated!
Hi there Dear, are you in fact visiting this
website on a regular basis, if so afterward you will absolutely get nice know-how.
what does viagra do [url=https://viagenupi.com/#]online pharmacy viagra[/url] viagra story
online pharmacy viagra buy generic viagra online https://viagenupi.com/
I couldn’t reject commenting. Advantageously written! http://www.cialisles.com/
chloroquine https://chloroquine1st.com/
hydroxychloroquine cost canada https://azhydroxychloroquine.com/
buy keflex https://keflex.webbfenix.com/
careprost eyelash https://www.jueriy.com/
how long does cialis last https://www.wisig.org/
It’s appropriate time to make some plans for the long run and it is time to
be happy. I’ve learn this put up and if I may just I want to recommend you few fascinating things or advice.
Perhaps you could write next articles relating to this article.
I wish to learn more things approximately it!
My family members always say that I am wasting my
time here at web, however I know I am getting familiarity every day by reading
such good articles or reviews.
Howdy would you mind sharing which blog platform
you’re working with? I’m going to start my own blog
in the near future but I’m having a difficult time
making a decision between BlogEngine/Wordpress/B2evolution and Drupal.
The reason I ask is because your design and style seems different then most blogs and I’m looking for something completely unique.
P.S Sorry for getting off-topic but I had to ask!
Attractive section of content. I just stumbled upon your weblog and in accession capital
to assert that I get actually enjoyed account your blog posts.
Anyway I will be subscribing to your feeds and even I achievement you access consistently fast.
albuterol mayo https://amstyles.com/
Amazing blog! Is your theme custom made or did you download it from somewhere?
A design like yours with a few simple tweeks would really make my blog stand out.
Please let me know where you got your theme. Thank you
Thanks for one’s marvelous posting! I really enjoyed reading it,
you might be a great author. I will make certain to bookmark your blog and will often come back in the future.
I want to encourage you to definitely continue your great
job, have a nice afternoon!
I think the admin of this web site is truly working hard
in support of his web site, since here every information is quality based stuff.
Thanks for every other informative website. Where else may just I
am getting that kind of information written in such a perfect manner?
I have a challenge that I am simply now working on, and I have been on the glance out for such information.
It’s great that you are getting ideas from this paragraph as
well as from our discussion made here.
Heya i am for the first time here. I found this board and I find It really useful & it helped me out much.
I hope to give something back and aid others like you aided me.
adreamoftrains web hosting services
bupropion naltrexone cost https://naltrexoneonline.confrancisyalgomas.com/
For most recent news you have to pay a visit web and
on world-wide-web I found this site as a best web page for latest updates.
Wow! This blog looks just like my old one! It’s on a completely
different subject but it has pretty much the same page layout and design. Wonderful choice of colors!
januvia mexico pharmacy http://lm360.us/
cialis uk http://cialisoni.com/
hydroxychloroquine online pharmacy https://webbfenix.com/
cvs viagra prices without insurance https://viatribuy.com/
Your means of describing everything in this post is genuinely nice, every
one be able to easily know it, Thanks a lot. 31muvXS cheap flights
Hi there! This post couldn’t be written any better!
Reading this post reminds me of my good old room mate!
He always kept talking about this. I will forward this article to him.
Fairly certain he will have a good read. Thank you for sharing!
Remarkable! Its actually awesome article, I have got much clear idea on the topic of from this piece of writing.
azithromycin 250mg https://azithromycinx250.com/