The title of this column is a question that I often ask the attendees at my management training classes. Normally we are discussing how to discipline problem employees. My answer is: It is never OK to be rude.
I often find that the person who perceives that they are in the position of power becomes rude. They get so focused on their power that they forget to think about other people’s feelings. This is evident in real estate transactions. The buyer almost always says something rude about the property they are trying to acquire. They think that they have purse-string power, and they think that being rude to the seller will somehow make the seller lower the price.
New supervisors, when put in the performance evaluation situation, feel that somehow it is their duty to point out all of the failings of the employee, never considering how rude that is.
Some people are rude because they are unhappy. Employees who don’t like their jobs are often rude to customers. Members of a family-owned business, who really didn’t buy into the idea of the business, are often rude to customers.
The problem with using power or unhappiness to justify your rudeness is that, years down the road, it can come back to hurt you.
When we were starting our hazardous waste remediation business 15 years ago, we needed to find a laboratory to analyze the samples that we took at our sites. We went to a local lab, and the manager told us we were too small for them to waste their time working with. About five years later, we were larger, and the local lab needed more business. The same manager called us and begged for our business. Of course, we remembered the slight, so we explained politely that we had a lab with which we were quite happy. Arrogance didn’t work in the long run for the rude lab, and they went out of business.
There is no situation in which being rude helps anything. Being rude burns bridges and, as life goes on, the chances that you will meet up with a person again and need something from them are very high.
With quite a bit of embarrassment, I remember being 25 and resigning from my first job. I had had many disagreements with my supervisor over the two years that I worked directly for him. I was resigning because we were moving to New York City. The businessperson catch-phrase of the era was assertiveness, and people were being coached to say assertive and somewhat rude things to their supervisors. It was deemed good to tell your supervisor something like, In one year I’ll be a manager here.
Of course it was a short-lived phase, but I was in the midst of it. So, while my supervisor and I were arguing I said, It doesn’t matter because I am quitting. It took him aback. For several years I felt pretty tough for quitting so assertively. Then, about 12 years later, I decided that I would like to go to law school. Law school applications require letters of recommendation from either college professors or supervisors. Since Bob and I were in business for ourselves, I had no supervisor. Wouldn’t you know, the only living supervisor that I had was the one I had been so rude to? He had been my college professor also. With a bit of chagrin, I picked up the telephone and called him. Luckily for me, he held no ill will.
If I had just been polite and resigned graciously, instead of resigning rudely, I would have been in a much better position to ask for a recommendation.
People are often coached to be rude. When I was first dating Bob, my roommate told me that I was making a big mistake, for when Bob came by to pick me up, I was always ready on time. She said that I should always make him wait, to show that I was in control of the situation. I didn’t take that advice, but I often see that people in the business world follow that system. I rarely go to a scheduled business meeting where the people who I am going to see are ready for me. Normally when I arrive I am told that the person I am meeting is on the telephone. I am then left to wait for a minimum of 3 minutes and maximum of 20 minutes.
In the same vein, it is rare to find a business person who returns telephone calls and E-mails. Even a simple, I received the message, would be nice.
Think about others, be considerate of everyone, and think before you speak. It is never OK to be rude.
About the Author:
Ruth Haag (www.RuthHaag.com) helps managers and employees understand the dynamics of the work environment, and how to function smoothly within it. She is the President/CEO of Haag Environmental Company. She has written a four-book business series: Taming Your Inner Supervisor, Day-to-Day Supervising, Hiring and Firing, and Why Projects Fail. Her enjoyable, easy-to-read books provide a look at life the way it is, rather than the way that you might think it should be.
