New Year’s resolutions are things we promise ourselves we are
going to do in the future. They usually spring from the idea
that we need to improve some aspect of our body, way of being or
personal habits with the expectation that when we improve, we
will simultaneously achieve well being and satisfaction. This is
all well and good but if you ask yourself the question, “Has it
worked for me to make resolutions about how I should be in the
year to come?” you might discover that in the past you either
quit on yourself, did not follow through or the attainment of
the goal did not produce the commensurate satisfaction you
There is a transformational alternative, which does not involve
changing or fixing your life. This New Year, see if you can be
the way you are, not the way you think you ought to be. Instead
of striving to be different, see if you can be exactly the way
you are, without making yourself wrong or right for being that
“What good will that do?” you might ask, “How can one possibly
effect positive change without setting a goal or resolving to do
better?” The answer is simple.
When you discover how to live in the moment, your life
transforms as a natural byproduct and things that you have been
struggling to change simply dissolve. Here is how it works.
There are three basic principles of transformation. The first
principle is: Anything you resist persists and grows stronger.
Chances are, those things that you want to change or fix about
yourself have persisted, no matter how many times you have
resolved to change them.
The second principle is: No two things can occupy the same
space at the same time. For example, if you are sitting while
you are reading this article, you will discover that you could
only be sitting right now.
We all have been taught that we can improve our lives and our
lot in life. But in this very moment of now, you can only be
exactly as you are. Striving to attain an idea or an ideal is
akin to saying the way you are is imperfect or flawed. You may
have the idea that you can be different, but in reality, in this
moment, you are the way you are.
If we were to take a photograph of you, the moment the picture
was taken, you could only have been the way the camera captured
you in that moment. You can’t change the way you were. Life
shows up in a series of moments of now and in this moment of now
you can only be exactly way you are – and that is the second
The third principle is: When you allow yourself to be the way
you are, and notice how you are being without judging yourself,
a phenomenon takes place called completion. In other words, if
you notice the way you behave without trying to change or fix
yourself and without judging what you discover, those behaviors
that you have been trying to change or ways of being that you
have been putting up with will complete themselves, just with
awareness. But you can’t notice it to get rid of it, because
that throws you back into the first principle – anything you
resist persists and grows stronger.
You can think of awareness like taking a block of ice and
letting it sit in the sun. The radiant heat of simple awareness
is enough to melt old, frozen mechanical behaviors.
So for this New Year as an experiment and an alternative to
making resolutions, try a transformational approach. See if you
can simply notice the way you are being in your life without
judging yourself for what you discover. It is possible to reach
a state of awareness where those behavior patterns that have run
your life will lose their power over you. We’ve done it and you
Ariel and Shya Kane are internationally acclaimed seminar leaders and business consultants whose revolutionary technology, Instantaneous Transformation, has helped thousands of individuals and companies worldwide. The Kanes’ best-selling book, Working on Yourself Doesn’t Work: A Book About Instantaneous Transformation, is available at local and online bookstores, via the Kanes’ website or by calling toll-free 800-431-1579. Ariel and Shya lead evening and weekend groups in Manhattan, dedicated to supporting people in living in the moment and having extraordinary, fulfilling lives. For more information, including dates and location, call 908-479-6034 or visit their website: www.ask-inc.com