A favorite old proverb teaches us that the only advice any of us ever need is the advice we give to others. I didn’t realize just how accurate that is until recently. What follows is a true story as related to me by a very dear friend.


This is the story of a man whose father was an alcoholic. The man grew up very angry at alcohol and very, very angry with his father. And so he pledged to never drink and swore he would be a different kind of man. He did not want to end up like his father. In fact, he often warned others about the dangers of drinking.


As time went by, he grew up and found a job he liked. One day he met a lovely lady, they fell in love and were married. Before long, they had children and he felt his life was busy, but good. He was determined to be a good provider, caring husband and wonderful father.


One day, an amazing thing happened to him. He found himself in a really heated argument with his wife, which was very unusual for them. During the course of their angry words, she screamed at him: ‘You are just like your father!’


Oh my goodness! Where did that come from? It not only shocked the man, it also shocked his wife. Until that very moment, she did not even realize she felt that way! They were speechless; there simply was no response that either could give. They just sat there, in stunned silence, and thought about what had happened.


Simultaneously, along with the shock and anger they were feeling, a feeling of fear began to arise. You see, at some small, deep level, an awareness, a certainty of knowing, began to grow. There was a revelation of truth contained in those angry words. They both realized that what she said was true!


Since he did not drink, at the surface her angry words seemed totally false to him. He wanted to believe that she was wrong when she said he was just like his father. Yet deep down inside, he knew there indeed was some truth to her statement. How could that have happened?


So, he began working with and masterminding the issue. He wanted more than anything to be a good husband and a wonderful father. He came to realize the problem was far-reaching and firmly centered in his core beliefs. He was determined to figure out the truth, and totally committed to change for the benefit of his family.


Because of the intense, lifelong anger he held for his father, he never really had a drop of alcohol in his life. Yet something was ‘the same’. As he studied and learned, he began to understand the dynamics of what had happened. This came with great resistance. His learning came in layers, much like peeling the layers off an onion, if you will. There was good to be had, but also tears to be shed.


An amazing thing happened. He discovered the root cause was not the alcohol he was so angry about. It was not his father that he hated so intensely. He came to realize that the problem he had so deeply buried was the pain caused by the fact that his father was never available to him. This pain that he felt as a child is what he hated!


His father was always busy doing something else and never had time for him. In his father’s case, he was out drinking with the boys. Without realizing what was happening, the son, who was now a grown man, actually had duplicated his father’s behavior. While he did not drink, he had been out bowling with the boys which resulted in him being every bit as unavailable for his wife and children as his father had been.


The son had done it with a different ‘drug’, if you will, because he was an avid bowler. He was always practicing this bowling game, or buying a new bowling ball, or meeting somebody at a bowling alley, or competing in a tournament, or helping somebody learn how to bowl.


“But he was gone.” He had put bowling above the most important things in his life: his wife and children!


An awareness was growing within him that his wife and children were almost certainly feeling the same pain that he had as a child. He had replaced drinking with bowling and by doing so, was unavailable to his family, just as his father had not been there for him. This was the true anger!


This ‘ah-ha’ moment, this incredible awareness, totally transformed the man’s life. In turn, it transformed his beloved family. Because of this outburst born in anger, an extraordinary truth came to light from darkness, a golden thread, if you will. This truth was a pathfinder for him and became a marvelous gift of his presence for his family.


This reminded him of that favorite old proverb we began with: The only advice we ever need is the advice we give to others. This man had often warned others about the problems caused by his father’s choices. In the end, he discovered that his own truth was deeper than he realized and he began to follow his own advice.


Now when that marvelous truth or enlightenment of thought comes bursting in, I often look to see if there’s some way I can apply that same advice in my own life. What I have found to be interesting is that often a new insight or awareness will appear after some time has passed, frequently one, two, three days, or even a week later.


Each time you give someone advice, step back, look at it and see how you can apply it in your own life. It just might be possible that if you choose to review the advice you give to others, you could also find a way to improve something in your own world, so that, in a few years, you, too, could say “Wow, that was one of the smartest things I ever did!”




About the Author:


John Carpenter Dealey is dedicated to helping people solve problems and reach their dreams and goals with “ease and grace.” He enthusiastically started his first business at age nine, joined his first MasterMind group in 1972, and became a “self-made millionaire” by the age of 27.


To learn how you can apply these powerful principles to bring even more joy and enlightenment into your own life, sign up for a free subscription to MasterMind Tips ezine at: www.dr-mastermind.com/

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