Journey of Depth
When you reach your late 30s and early 40s you reach a significant turning point in life where you are given the opportunity to release the past and evolve further into your own authentic self. We commonly call this a crisis. However a crisis has two components – chaos AND opportunity. Viewing midlife as an opportunity is the key to thriving and making it a successful time of life.
Having completed your entrance into adulthood at ages 28-30, you are now looking at your midlife opportunity, which is hallmarked by four significant transitions. For each person the specific phase can occur at different times than for others.
The four transitions will take you through approximately ages 36-45. They are:
- Journey of Change
- Journey of Spirit
- Journey of Time
- Journey of Depth
To summarize the nature of these transitions and their midlife effects:
The Journey of Change is marked by surprise, sudden shocks, changes, upsetting issues situations, eccentricity and the unusual. Two areas of your life will experience pronounced change by showing you where you need to exercise more individuality and independence.
The Journey of Spirit heralds a time of confusion and the obscuring of reality. You can end up feeling as though your existence and accomplishments up to now are worth nothing. You are faced with questioning yourself and working through things an emerging with a new spiritual connection – or you could escape reality buy delving into obsessions and addictions with sex, drugs, alcohol or lying.
The Journey of Depth is one of transformation, destruction and control in order to create something authentic. Where you have been playing around and not being serious, you will get serious now because everything will come to ashes around you and you will need to rebuild.
When you have finished the wild ride of these three transitions, the final and perhaps most serious one, the Journey of Time joins the fray for the final lesson around the age of 43/44. The nature of the Journey of Time is limitations, restrictions, structures, discipline, reality and resistance. By being conscientious you can make beneficial changes.
The midlife opportunity means major re-evaluation of the value and meaningfulness of our lives. Have we achieved the goals and dreams of the past? Are those dreams still relevant? Are our current circumstances serving us? This re-evaluation is much like a birthing process, transforming life from one phase to the next and defining how we are going to live the second half of our life. At times the changes can be so profound we hardly recognize the person we were before. This process, both excruciating, and exhilarating, is a re-birthing, a redefining of who we are that brings us into profound communion with our spirit. And just like being born, this phase can be marked by alternating periods of tremendous pressure, turmoil, and intensity (the contraction), interspersed with calm (the relaxation) and, finally, the excitement as something new and promising comes into existence.
Midlife is a time when you are called to take on power while being conscious of your issues and ideas about power. The transition we are looking at here is concerned with power, death, rebirth, and transformation. For most people, the midlife phase that occurs first, between 36-38 for most people, is usually what I call the Journey of Depth (or sometimes, Death).
Death is a shocking word. But no, I am not saying you will keel over and perish at age 36. Inhale and exhale deeply, grab a drink and finish reading calmly.
Here in this phase you are faced with power plays from other people and situations where your power is being challenged. This is no ordinary challenge; this is strong-willed “in-your-face” provocation. Those challenges will affect two specific areas of your life. For example, it could be the area of security, values, and earned income being challenged by your efforts, accomplishments and desires around creativity, love affairs, children and risk-taking.
This could mean that problems with your children cause you to lose your job; or taking too many risks on the stock market could cause your income to make dramatic changes; or people you supervise may criticize you so much at work that you become insecure about what you thought was your calling in life and your leadership abilities. You may deal with real situations of sabotage from people, who may go to extreme ends to try to shake you from your position.
The lesson here is to learn how and when to use your power in the areas in question. You are also faced with the fact that you DO have enemies, as we all do, whether or not we deserve them. Are you willing to admit you have enemies and to accept that some people want to oppose you out of jealousy? In their opposition to you, they will most likely criticize you and highlight your weaknesses. Can you compassionately listen, honestly assess any truths in the criticism and be willing to transform yourself? You are not required to be what someone else wants you to be; the issue is sifting through the mire and discerning what you can use. In some way, the people and situations that arise during this Journey of Depth or Death as you may feel (death of the old you) are ones for which you can be quite thankful. If you have this midlife transition first, out of the four that characterize midlife, you will actually have an easier time with the others.
The Journey of Depth can take you to emotional and spiritual depths. You may even feel your life and purpose is dying. You may have a hard time imagining that anything in your life could be good after this period of time. Your Depth transition involves three “hits” to your old self so there are three time periods when you will most strongly feel the emotions and actions of this phase. When it is over, if you choose to transform and face yourself, you will be even stronger and much wiser in the areas affected. However, if you steel yourself against it and resist making changes, you will feel physically and spiritually worn. It will be even harder to face the other midlife phases.
You have the opportunity to “peel off” your old worn skin and re-approach life with a wisdom and depth you did not have when you were 28; or you can suffocate inside your old skin and drag it along as you go through the motions of imitating life. What will you choose to do?
About the Author:
You can be empowered through midlife. Start coaching today with L. Barrett Powell and you can make the most of this time of life. L. Barrett Powell is a coach and cultural trainer/consultant with a background in psychology, theology and journalism. Barrett’s focus is on Law of Attraction coaching, and working with individuals and inter-cultural organizations as a coach, coordinator and trainer. You can reach her by email at lbpdkcoaching@gmail.com
