You're a liar.
I know you don't want to hear that. But it's true.
So am I. And man I hate to say that. But it's true too. We all lie. To
ourselves.
Now in our defense, we don't mean to. And not only do we not mean to-we don't
even know we are doing it. Because we are in a state of denial.
We suffer from "confirmation bias" and see things as we would like them to
be-not as they really are.
• We say we are eating healthy because we ordered a salad-and don't see that the
Caesar dressing has enough carbs and cholesterol to fell an ox.
• We tell ourselves our marriage or relationship is good because we didn't have
a fight in a week. Total disassociation from reality.
• We tell ourselves we're quitting smoking because we went from two packs a day
to a pack and a half. What a joke!
• We like to think because we buy self-development books and audios that means
we're actually using them. Fantasy sometimes.
• We believe because we keep firing the idiots that work for us we're solving
the problem. But the real problem is the idiot who keeps hiring the idiots.
• We like to think that because we throw money at problems-buying more
technology, hiring more experts, or installing more systems-we have solved the
problem. This is total bullshit because it doesn't address the core beliefs that
create the behavior which creates the problem to begin with.
Let's get a few things straight. That dress or that shirt does not make you look
fat. They simply reveal the fact you are fat.
The reason your budget is tight is not because the Arabs raised the price of
oil, your boss is cheap, or big corporations are greedy. Your money is tight
because you spend more than you take in.
The reason your current girlfriend or boyfriend has some of the same neurosis as
your last four has nothing to do with them. It is all about you.
Yet it is amazing the depths and ability of the human mind to deceive itself. I
had a fascinating conversation with a guy a few weeks ago.
He related the story of his latest webmaster that shut down his site and held
him up for ransom. This was the latest in a string of situations like that for
him. Finally someone asked him what he might be doing to manifest all this.
Of course he was offended to be asked that question. But when he got over that,
he advanced his theory on why he was always in situations like that. What do you
think it was?
Basically he told me that God created people like him to let other people take
advantage of them-knowing that he would take it all without getting violent. So
he sees himself as the ultimate martyr. The noble selfless guy who lets everyone
victimize him, eating up all the bad karma to spare the rest of us.
It works out perfect for everyone. He gets to be a martyr, and his partners in
co-dependence get to run their rackets. Everyone gets to feel noble and live in
denial.
What a total crock of shit.
And that is the nature of the human animal. We actually hear things that weren't
said. And we see things that don't exist. We simply make them up to conform with
our view of the world around us and what we want to happen.
Republicans think Bush won the debates. Democrats think Kerry was the victor.
Libertarians like me think they both were pathetic. Now Republicans think they
have a mandate, and Democrats think the election was stolen. Whatever.
I was sitting in a Board meeting for my church. Patricia mentioned that the
minister's birthday was coming up. Alice said, "Let's remember people's
preferences in the future. Because we bought Benny a cake for his birthday. But
he is a vegan and couldn't eat it."
We all agreed this was a good idea and moved on to other business. Patricia
called me afterward and asked me what we should do with Alice. I wanted to know
why. She said, "Because of the way she attacked me during the meeting."
I had no idea what she was talking about. "What do you mean?" I asked.
"I was the one that bought the cake for Benny. She said that I was selfish and
inconsiderate. She attacked me in the meeting!"
I assured her that Alice had said no such thing, and repeated what she really
said. Patricia disputed this and then went on to make even more outrageous
claims about statements that had never been said. Here is the most interesting
part of the equation…
You know what Patricia's occupation is? She is a mental health therapist.
Really. But like many of them, she is crazier than the people she treats. She
warps reality to fit her perception of the world. Reality is subjective.
So what do we do about all this?
In many cases what is needed is professional help. (Preferably from a therapist
less crazy than you are!) If you have issues with addiction, obsessive
disorders, blinding jealousy, neurosis, etc, you really need to seek
professional help from a trained therapist.
You can't change things like this yourself, because mental illness always
reinvents itself. It convinces you that it has been fixed, but it has really
gone underground or permutated into something different. You simply cannot clear
yourself of mental illness. No one can.
And of course denial and lying to ourselves is certainly a form of mental
illness. If it isn't too deep, you may be able to get yourself back to
truthfulness without a mental therapist. But to do that, you'll need a good
support group of friends in your life.
You need people of consciousness, who are aware and intelligent. And most
importantly, not afraid to tell you things you don't want to hear. Here are the
kinds of things a good friend can tell you:
• That you are being emotionally abused by your partner.
• That you are repeating a pattern of dysfunctional relationships.
• That you have unhealthy spending patterns.
• That you are hoarding money and have a lack mentality.
• That you are not assertive enough to get your needs met.
Of course the most important person of all to tell you the truth is yourself. So
having good friends and seeking professional help when you need it keeps you on
the right track.
Do some HONEST reflection.
How much are you in denial about the things that happen in your life? Here is a
hint:
Anything bad that happens to you that you think is the fault of anyone or
anything else-you are in denial about!
Do you have areas that require a professional therapist? How many people do you
have who will tell you the truth?
* Excerpted from Randy Gage's BreakthroughU.com Monthly Lesson
For more than 15 years, Randy Gage has been helping people transform
self-limiting beliefs into self-fulfilling breakthroughs to achieve their
dreams. Randy Gage is a modern day explorer in the field of body-mind
development and personal growth. He is the author of over 40 works including
"Accept Your Abundance" and "Prosperity Mind" and the best-selling audio album
"Prosperity" and is director of www.BreakthroughU.com . For more resources and
to subscribe to Randy's free ezine newsletters visit http://www.RandyGage.com
