"Big boys/girls don't cry."
"Don't hit." "Don't shout." "Don't be angry." Our society has long advocated
emotional "control." From childhood, we are bombarded with instructions to
sanction outward responses to emotions. What's a body to do with all of these
robust emotions bottled up all the time? Explode?
More or less. Actually,
it's more like "implode" – "collapse" inward. If the energy of emotions can't be
vented to the outside, it will be released on the inside. Eventually, the body
"implodes" with some sort of release. It "implodes" in a headache, or back pain,
or knee pain, or stomach pain, or some other kind of pain. Pain is an excess of
energy in one place. It's congested. And that congested energy can come from
suppressed emotions. Suppressing emotional responses imposes a variation of
psychic trauma that cultivates a sense of isolation. How sad for society and for
health.
Even if you lock your
emotions tightly in your conscious mind to conceal your negative feelings from
the outside world, you can't conceal them from your subconscious mind. And your
subconscious mind runs your body – protecting you and preparing you to defend
yourself. As far as your subconscious mind is concerned, bottled-up emotions are
the same as being under attack; it keeps all systems combat ready to defend
against the threat.
As a result, whether you
participate voluntarily or involuntarily, your emotions will be expressed. And
you may not recognize the expression for what it is. Emotions put stress on your
body, and they cause changes in the way your body is functioning. Your body
shifts into risk homeostasis. Intense emotions cause more intense changes than
minor emotions. And suppressed strong emotions, such as grief and rage, keep
your physiology from moving back into maintenance homeostasis – you can become
"stuck."
Now don't infer that I am
advocating or condoning wanton behavioral abandon, anarchy, spousal or child
abuse, or a total disregard for law and civilized societal customs in the name
of "expressed emotions." I'm not! But just how do we express our emotions
without causing harm?
Anger and frustration don't
have to be expressed immediately. You can wait until after work or another
appropriate time. Just make sure you deal with anger, frustration, irritation
and other negative emotions before you go to sleep. Strong emotions require
specific physiological responses. If you go to sleep while your body is
responding to negative emotions, the pattern of physiological response is locked
into your subconscious.
So, what do you do to deal
with the emotion? First, recognize what's happening. Negative emotions prime you
for a fight. They spark the production of adrenalin. You need to curb the
adrenalin production before you go to sleep. And you can do this by adjusting
your thinking. Find some element of good in the situation that caused the
emotion. Examine the situation and find something that you learned from that
situation that can benefit you. If you aren't accustomed to looking at life this
way, it may take some doing at first. But, with practice, you'll learn.
You'll learn to recognize
negative thoughts and feelings. Then, use your free will to take charge and
change your line of thinking. The practical step when a negative thought pops
into mind is to think: "Cancel that thought." So, for example, instead of
responding to a rude receptionist with verbal or mental comments denigrating her
parentage, recognize that (1) she has a job to do, and (2) she faces her own
ill-handled pressures and stresses. It is her problem, not yours. For you, it's
a challenge. In the process, you can change your feelings from anger (which
harms only you) to non-judgmental acceptance (which helps you – and might help
someone else).
Exercise helps by venting
emotions externally and uses residual adrenalin. Physical exercise is a good way
to "burn off" adrenalin that surges during emotional conflicts. Adrenalin is an
irresistible stimulus. If you can't "fight back" or run during adrenalin
generating confrontation, you must consciously suppress the physical response
expressions that come naturally. At the time, gritting your teeth or clenching
your fists is about as far as you can go. Then, at an appropriate time and
place, you can satisfy the need for "adrenalin expression" with physical
exercise.
Laughter is a great
adrenalin release. That's why we sometimes laugh at "inappropriate" times.
Funerals. Disasters. Crises. The laughter-release is used frequently in tense
situations. "Comic relief" in the middle of a super-serious situation often
tempers overwhelming tension.
If you suppress the release
of intense emotions for weeks or months, you're asking for trouble. If you must
suppress your emotions, you and your body fare much better in life when you
suppress them just long enough to be socially acceptable; then do something that
allows for health-restoring release.
About the Author
Dr.
Ted Morter, III, is the C.E.O. of the Morter HealthSystem, the company featuring
the acclaimed Bio Energetic Synchronization Technique (B.E.S.T.). For
information on B.E.S.T. Life Intensive seminars featuring B.E.S.T. along with
The Passion Test's Janet Attwood offered all over the country in 2007, call
800-874-1478 or visit their web site at
www.dynamiclifetraining.com.
