There is a saying that one
bad apple can spoil the whole bunch. And one negative person can affect everyone
they come into contact with.
I was recently sharing some
of my short term business Goals with someone in my professional peer network.
While I do have a tendency
to aim high and set some outrageous Goals, I also have the drive and
determination to take decisive action, advance them at a rapid pace and see them
through to completion.
When I shared my exciting
Goals with my "friend," their response was not encouraging and enthusiastic. All
I got was negativity and discouragement. I knew this friend was having some
personal struggles, but I intuitively realized I needed to separate myself from
them for the time being.
I realized a pattern had
been developing, where every time we talked, I felt emotionally drained after
Have you ever had that
There are times in life
when some of the people around you become a bit toxic to you.
They complain a lot, they
whine, their attitudes are poor and they act helpless. I have a tendency to try
and shine the light on all of the good around them and within them, but
sometimes even that is unwelcome. There is a wall of resistance. You can tell
because they would rather have a big old pity party, blame others and be the
victim, than transform themselves into a more positive resourceful state.
I love coaching people in
how to turn things around. It's easy to do with coaching clients because they
pay for that expertise and are typically looking for change. There is nothing
wrong with being stuck, however no one is obligated to be on the receiving end
of someone else's drama or drain.
I believe in serving
others, but sometimes the people around you are not receptive to your kind
efforts. No matter how hard you try to serve them, sometimes they try to drag
you down. I could not remember even one recent conversation where I felt good
after a discussion with this particular person.
That's when I knew… it was
time to limit my association with them.
Often when you share your
Goals with people, they see everything from their own lens, from their own
perspective, and ultimately from their lack of vision and their own limiting
beliefs. This is one of the reasons it is so important to have a coach and/or a
mentor. Your coach's job is not to judge, but rather to guide you and help you
find the way to your Goals.
Seven Steps for
Maximizing the Power of Association
#1. Be selective about
which Goals you share with which people. Whenever you share your Goals or ask
for feedback, consider the source. Ask yourself, is this the right person to
share this particular goal with? Will this person be objective or will they be
negative, cynical and critical?
It is inevitable that some
people around you right now might not understand what you are trying to
accomplish. Perhaps they are even a little (or a lot) competitive with you.
Sometimes they are downright jealous. Sometimes they are afraid if you become
successful, you will leave them.
#2. Do not allow other
people to determine your chances of success. Ever. What seems impossible for
them may very well be within your reach, range and ability, especially if it is
something you are passionately committed to achieving.
If I allowed other people's
opinions to sway me from my Goals, I would have never become a cadet (junior
firefighter) at the age of 13.
I would have never become a
firefighter/EMT at the age of 18.
I would have never painted
works of art in my early 20's that are now hanging in Government buildings and
on the walls of some pretty remarkable people.
I would have never started
a business of my own, not to mention built the network of companies that were
once only a dream, and are now a bright, shining reality and working with
amazing people from all over the world.
I would not be talking to
you right now.
I want you to think about
the people in your peer network right now.
#3. Make a list of your
current associations (both professionally and personally). On paper, write down
the names of everyone you came into contact with in the past few months.
On the list include all of
your friends, your family, your coworkers and acquaintances.
#4. Determine who among
them is positive and encouraging. Thank them.
Seriously, write them a
note, send them a card or even give them a phone call and just say "thank you,
your support and encouragement mean so much to me." Tell them what it means to
#5. Determine who among the
list of people is negative, draining and toxic to you. Perhaps it's time to
limit your association with them. Limited associations mean you still love a
person, but you do not obligate yourself to spend time with them or talk
frequently with them if they repeatedly have a negative impact on you. Sometimes
the only way to salvage a relationship is to take a break from it.
#6. Get rid of the energy
vampires. I mean it. I’m talking about those dream stealers. Don't give them
your time anymore and if for some reason you must interact with them for
professional reasons, limit your time with them. You be the judge on whether or
not they are adding to or taking from your energy and what level of interaction
You will become like the
people you surround yourself with.
You need to continually
monitor the effect of the people around you. Sometimes you need to reduce the
time you spend or sometimes drop the dead weight and excess baggage in your life
in order to expand your network and make room for new, empowering people.
Your time and your energy
(both emotional and physical) are two of your most precious resources.
7. Get around people who
have Goals. Get around positive people. Get around people who want to help you
achieve your dreams and help them with theirs every chance you get.
The most amazing people in
my life are usually the ones who read, who hunger to learn, to grow, they are
kind and enjoy making positive contributions to the lives of others. They are
honest and they have passions and Goals. And sometimes we have to make room for
more of them to enter our world.
Live Your Dreams
About the Author:
Jill Koenig, the ‘Goal
Guru’ is America’s Top Goal Strategist. A Best Selling Author, Coach and
Motivational Speaker, she is an expert on the subjects of Goal Setting, Time
Management and Business Success. Her passion in life is helping you UNLEASH your
full potential. Get your FREE Goal Setting CD at: