Wouldn't it be nice to be able to choose what you want in a partner and get it, like ordering food in a restaurant? "I'll take one caring person who is ready to have a long-term relationship and wants to cherish me. And can I have a side of a large bank account, please, and I'll finish with a sports fan who's athletic. Hmm, what do I want to drink? How about a pint of likes to travel. Thanks-and oh, I'm kind of in a hurry so can you ask the chef to put in my order ASAP?"

 
When you eat out, you read the menu, get clear about what you want, then order it. Magically, it comes to you. What if you could do the same when it comes to choosing a good partner for yourself? Of course you can't just choose a partner from a menu, yet you do have a lot more choice than you may realize.

 
My method of making lists and interviewing allows you to get clear about what you want in a partner, then exercise your power of choice to have what you want. It's simple and the results can be stunning. Thousands of women have already used this system to have what they want with a man. Now men and women can use the following four lists to attract the partner you've been yearning for.

 
List #1: The Six "Musts"
The six "musts" are the attributes a potential partner absolutely must have for you to consider him or her. They're the deal-breakers. If you want to get married and have children, those are two of your "musts." If you want someone who shares your religion, that would be a third "must." If you want someone with a certain amount of financial stability, that's a fourth "must." The remaining "musts" might have to do with where someone lives, how much time they can spend with you, their moral code, whether or not they already have children by a former partner, or whatever is of supreme importance to you.

 

Steer clear of people who don't have all your "musts"-no matter how attractive you find them. It is an act of self-love to refuse to see someone again who will eventually break your heart. Don't wait six months, get really attached, then break up. Save yourself the time and the heartache.

 
List #2: The Ten "Very Importants"
The ten "very importants" are exactly that-they are very important to you but not necessarily deal-breakers. It may be very important that she own a house, for example. But if she fits almost all your other criteria and is currently renting an apartment, you might be able to overlook the fact that she's not a homeowner. Don't give in too easily on your "very importants," though. They are, after all, attributes that will make you happy.

 
List #3: The Six "Must Nots"
The six "must nots" highlight your pitfalls. Your pitfalls are your Achilles heel-the patterns you've been hurt by. If you're not sure what those are, take some time to reflect on the things that happen to you over and over in relationships. Do you get involved with people who want to control you? Then one of your "must nots" would be, "Must not be overly controlling." If you have a pattern of attracting partners with alcohol or drug problems, one of your "must nots" would be, "Must not be a substance abuser."

 
List #4: Unlimited "Wouldn't It Be Nice If…"
This list is for all the attributes you'd enjoy a partner having, but that are not deal breakers, pitfalls, or very important. They're the "extras," the icing on the cake. If he or she didn't have them it wouldn't make or break your decision to get involved. Have fun with these. "Wouldn't it be nice if he had a sporty car? Wouldn't it be great if she liked to sail?"
Review your lists every day. Compare each person you go out with to your lists and stick to them. You owe it to yourself to choose someone who will give you what you want. Keep your heart open and your view optimistic. There is an abundance of people like you who are seeking meaningful, fulfilling relationships. As a wise woman used to say, "Lovers are like streetcars-there's always another one coming!"
It's going to happen, it's just a matter of time.

 


 

How to Interview a Potential Partner
Interviewing is a way to discover how a potential partner fits in with what you want. It doesn't mean sitting them down and going through your lists on the first date. That would surely scare anyone off! It does mean keeping your lists in mind as you go out on a date and steering the conversation toward topics that are important to you.
For effective interviewing:

  1. Buy a notebook to record your dating experiences.
  2. Make your five lists.
  3. Read your lists before you go out with someone.
  4. Put your lists and notebook where you'll land when you come home.
  5. While you're out, be observant. Notice how your date acts and what he or she says. Ask a lot of questions and steer the conversation toward subjects you want to find out about-and don't forget to have fun!
  6. When you get home, record your impressions in your notebook. Write as many details as you can remember as objectively as you can. If you find the person appealing, remember to stay awake to your lists.
  7. Check what you know about the person compared to your six "musts." You will come up with one of three conclusions:

    1. He or she fits all six. In that case, refer to your "very importants" and "must nots." If the person is not your type but has all six "musts," give him or her a chance and go out with them again.
    2. He or she doesn't fit all six. Do not go out with that person again.
    3. You don't have enough information and need to go out with him or her once or twice more to see how it fits for you.

  8. Check your other lists.
  9. Read your lists daily, at a time when you're relaxed and can let them sink in.
  10. Expect to meet him or her, knowing they'll come into your life. Keep your heart open.

Quick Help for Having the Relationship You Want

  • You can make conscious choices instead of relying on attraction, chance, or fate.
  • Getting clear about what you want can save you a lot of time and heartbreak.
  • Making your lists and sticking to them is a loving thing to do for yourself.
  • Staying awake and aware in the moment is a way to have things be different.
  • Be open to noticing people you may never have noticed before.
  • Be aware of being critical and hard to please.
  • Be willing to look at patterns that may have hurt you.
  • If you go for the ones you've always gone for, you'll likely have the same result you've always had.
  • Just because someone is appealing doesn't mean they're right for you.
  • Making new choices means turning your back on what's not good for you.
  • You have the power to attract the partner and the relationship you want.

Marilyn Graman is the author of
There is No Prince and Other Truths Your Mother Never Told You: A Guide to Having the Relationship You Want

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