As I write this, I am in the seventh month of a one year Intuitive Training Program at Aesclepion (www.aesclepion.net), a school that teaches psychic and spiritual development. What I am mostly learning there has to do with being grounded in and present to my body. While practicing my tools, I am enjoying my first spontaneous in-the-body-experiences. After living most of my life in a disembodied state, it’s refreshing to be dropping in.
Getting out used to be the in thing in my world. During my teens I had more than a few psychedelic experiences. I liked to think of them as extra-curricular field trips, enhancing my study of metaphysics and psychology. There was one trip amongst them that stands out in (what is left of) my memory. On that day the camera lens in my mind opened wide, and I became ecstatically aware of a big picture truth: there could never be anything in my life that could ever justify worry or fear. Everything was an illusion, nothing in the world mattered, and in my recognition of that truth, I was freed from the spell of matter. Gravity may keep my body from soaring, but not my mind and spirit. I was free! I had touched the kingdom of heaven, here and now, and here and now is all there is, was, and ever will be. I was safe eternally. There was nothing left to do with the rest of my life but play, be peaceful, and celebrate!
I realized while I was soaring that when the drug wore off this vision would fade, and my life from that point on would be about gradually climbing the mountain of consciousness until the peak experience I was currently having was where I lived, not just a place I visited.
In my devotion to getting there, I made enlightenment my first priority, and things like my health, relationships, family, and making money were way down on my list. I resisted anything that had to do with the physical universe for fear that it would distract me from my goal. I found spiritual practices that allowed me to hide from the world I lived in. I used meditation as an escape mechanism to take me to higher planes, any plane but the earth one. In my efforts to transcend fear, I rejected anything that might stir up fear. Of course, while I was busy being detached, fear still owned me. I was attached to detachment, and the spaced-out, far away look in my eyes was not the look of one who had found real peace.
Eventually I recognized that I was never going to ascend until I was first willing to descend. I was twenty five years old. Up until that time I had avoided driving and relied on public transportation and the kindness of others. So I chose to engage in one of my first worldly, dangerously unspiritual activities – learning how to drive a car. I got my license and bought my first car for $1000. A few years later, I filed my first tax return. Peter Pan was beginning to get down and grow up.
Getting into relationships initiated me into the world of vulnerable hopes and huge disappointments. When I fell in love, I fell hard. Looking back, I can see that in my middle to late twenties I had finally become willing to enter into a clumsy, unavoidable stage of life that up until then I had managed to avoid: adolescence. You could say I was a late bloomer.
My repetitive fumblings in romantic relationships caused me to stumble my way into therapy, something I had previously thought of as unworthy of my time. Therapy conjured up images of spending years making snail’s progress, staying stuck in my head, and getting good at analyzing what was wrong with me. I had already perfected that on my own, thank you! But the counselor I was led to was a big cheerleader for emotional release work, and the tissues I used in his presence far outnumbered the diagnoses he offered. Together we created an environment for me to honestly and nakedly face the pain I was carrying, feel my way through it, and get to the other side.
During this process I gradually lost interest in lofty and lengthy meditations and learned the practice of journaling my feelings. When pain came up I practiced being with it and not shrinking away. This commitment to a deeper intimacy with myself helped me attract the intimate relationship I am in now. Occasionally, like in all good relationships devoted to mutual personal growth and authenticity, the fire gets hot between us. In moments of conflict I am learning to stay present and express my fear, hurt and anger instead of vacating the premises. It is amazing how intense feelings rapidly dissipate and, like with a good thunderstorm, the air is cleared when we are willing to get out of our heads and into our bodies.
Last week Venus said something that pushed my buttons. I took physical distance and began getting mental (out of my body), judging how right I was and how wrong she was. Taking a walk around the block, I recognized that my superiority head trip was a mask for my hurt feelings, and rather than wallow around in separation, I came back to the house, got back down in my body, and spoke up. She had some anger to express back and for a few minutes I wondered if I did the right thing by opening my mouth. For a recovering control freak such as I, letting myself experience moments of chaos can be quite a stretch. A few minutes later we were holding each other, sharing tender feelings of love and regret, feeling close and connected again.
How exciting it is for this retired space traveler to be coming down to earth! What a joy, after a lifetime of resisting them, to honor and embrace the gifts that God has given me: my body, my emotions, my humanness, my life.
I wrote the following song to celebrate the journey.
Ever since I was a little boy my heart would dream of flight
From the tears I shed I would take my jet
Trying to soar into the light
Well I made it to the sky most times
Taking in the view I found
But the tears would come back to my eyes
When I crashed back on the ground
At the point of being on my knees with no runway left to turn
I came face to face with an oak tree
And a mighty truth to learn
I said, “Oak tree, my how high you’ve grown
What a point of view you’ve found”
It said, “What sustains my soaring heights
Are my roots deep in the ground”
Out of my mouth there came a prayer like I never prayed before
For my words had power from my pain
And it shook me to my core
I said, “Mother earth and father sky
There’s a lesson here for me
For from birth I’ve dreamed that I can fly
without rooting like this tree”
Plant my feet in soil firm and high, to the earth I must return
For although I might be born to fly
There’s some groundwork here to learn
So I let my spirit sink back in
To the soil I feared would hurt
And I found my soul could really grow
In the middle of the dirt
As for the rest you know it well, for it’s what all life’s about
As my roots grew stronger in the ground
I began my branching out
Tall and thick and full of heart
How I’m growing like a tree
But I won’t forget how I got my start
Being wounded on my knees
And when heaven’s winds blow through my leaves
I give thanks for my rebirth
For the flight I yearned for was conceived
The day I came back to earth
© ScottSongs
Scott Kalechstein is an inspirational speaker, a transformational humorist, a life coach, and a modern day troubadour. He makes his home in Marin, California and loves presenting at conferences, giving talks, concerts and workshops. In his phone counseling practice, he is a relationship specialist, helping both individuals and couples grow into conscious relationship. Call 415-721-2954 to schedule a session, or email him at scott@scottsongs.com. You can visit www.scottsongs.com to read more about his workshops, to hear his talks or to sample songs from his nine CD’s. Sign up for his free muse-letters to receive writings like this one on a semi-occasional basis.
