Many of us today strive to achieve a measure of success, wealth, power, prestige, and believe that the acquisition of these icons of materialism will bring a sense of satisfaction and achievement. The need to achieve the illusive American Dream of riches and fame, gold, and glory are even now ever more pervasive with the advent of the new Trump television dramas. This quest for achievement that so few of us ever reach is, in effect, the same thing that breaks our hearts. The often unattainable need to possess the best that life seems to offer, the grand house, fancy car, big bank accounts blinds us to what is real. Some few of us actually accomplish our dreams; some who do make it to the top are destined not to maintain their position at the pinnacle. King Solomon, who was thrust into the unwanted throne and power once said; "If you stare at your halo long enough, it will become a noose." In our time, so many of the leaders in the world, in government, in business, and in politics, after finally and at great cost reaching their positions of success and power, almost intentionally defeat themselves.

 
For a short time, I was one of the fortunate few. The political television commercial called it the "American Success Story." And it worked, the small town boy made good and won the election. A political novice, I was thrust into one of New Jersey's highest, political, law enforcement offices. I had a great professional and educational background, I was a local police officer for nearly 20 years, had two advanced college degrees, and grew into a relatively good orator; the trappings of power overtook all else.

 
Early on, a dear friend, with whom I had taught at a local college, had given me a tile plaque, colored in powder blue and sponged white terracotta, as a gift for my office. Among dozens of awards, plaques, and accolades, this bit of tile hung by a simple cord of brown leather. Because we had been close friends, and she had been a significant help during the political campaign, the plaque was one of the first mementoes hung in my new, opulent office in the middle of Court Plaza. Ironically, the plaque, when I first read it, was sort of annoying. And to tell the truth, I didn't really understand it, until the prophecy it foretold became reality The plaque now hangs in my home office and reads, "When the game is over, the King and the Pawn go back into the same Box." Although this could be my story of the rise and fall from power, it is not. That "fall from grace" tale is for another time. Rather, this article focuses on the trappings of power and its corruption of our minds and ego. It is also a review of the possibilities of leadership that in varying degrees we all possess. Finally, I hope to identify some of the true values of a well-lived life, and the important things that some of us are unable or unwilling to see.

 
Leadership is often a very different quality than success. Those that are true leaders, are often able to avoid the pitfalls and shortcomings of the materialistic success story. The rich and famous often arrive at the pinnacle via a hard and difficult path. They, for the most part, are undaunted by the challenges in their way and possess an attitude that reflects the adage, "take no prisoners." That is to say that they achieve their success by any means possible. They are characterized as intense, focused, and untiring, but at the same time, ruthless, heartless, and even perhaps cruel. They fear that sharing human emotions demonstrates a weakness of leadership, but their style is dictatorial rather than leading. They have no problem circumventing anyone or anything that detracts from a predetermined goal. They would even climb over "their own mother" to achieve self-fulfillment.

 
On the contrary, successful leaders are those who have faced the same struggles and challenges but with an intensity focused on the needs of people with the understanding that life's hardships and challenges must be shared in order to be endured.. Those who not only relate to those with whom they serve but also collaborate as a team member are in fact, the true leaders. They are those leaders who have been able to grasp the gold ring of success yet remain steadfast in their commitment to the good they seek to create and to share. The classic examples of President Abraham Lincoln, Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., and Nelson Mandela come quickly and easily to the minds of many.

 

The Mark of a Power Broker:

  1. Autocratic Manager
  2. Dictatorial Leadership Type
  3. Rigid and Inflexible Personality
  4. Shows little or no Emotions, Indifferent Attitude
  5. Harsh Treatment of Subordinates and Staff
  6. Narrow Focus of Vision
  7. Lack of empathy for Employees and Staff
  8. Main Objective is Success (monetary or power) at any Cost

People search for a magic formula to achieve material success yet at the same time attempt to maintain a real sense of their own integrity and humanity. It has been repeated that one cannot reach the top by being too soft, and that the nice people finish in last place. In spite of that often-repeated axiom, one of the most common reasons cited by formerly successful individuals for their ultimate failures and loss of power is the manner in which they treated others. The golden rule that we all learned so long ago, "Treat others as you would have them treat you," seems to have been forgotten by many of us. The "Queen of Mean," Leona Helmsley, was world famous for being an arduous, hard-core success story. Now Martha Stewart appears to be on her way to a prison term because of her methods of operation, grueling treatment of staff, and others with whom she associated. Both successful women seem to have ignored or dismissed the qualities, which mark one as a true leader.

 
The Mark of True Leader:

  1. Compassionate Leadership Style
  2. Committed to a Goal and Doing the Right Thing
  3. Cooperative Management Type
  4. Fair, Honest, Real and Benevolent

Are these two women unique in behavior, which ultimately caused their legal troubles, loss of public respect, or untold personal difficulties? Is it as simple as the statement that one reaps as one sows? Or, is it that what goes around comes around? I hope so. There should be some guidelines to help maintain that success that so many of us strive for. At any rate, my plaque is something that could hang in any prison cell, real or of the mind. "When the game is over, the King and the Pawn go back in the same Box." Or, at the very least, there must be some positive suggestions to help one remain on track if we are among those who achieve their personal dreams of success. One suggestion from the Dalai Lama himself, is said to be of critical importance. Strive to maintain virtues in all areas of life.

 
The Three Most Important Virtues of Life:

  1. Patience
  2. Tolerance
  3. Compassion

Three simple concepts, which would seem easy enough to follow, may be problematic for some. However, they are in direct contrast to those issues which bear warning and which His Holiness, the Dalai Lama, calls poison.

 
The Three Poisons of the Mind:

  1. Ignorance
  2. Craving
  3. Hatred

Life for many of us seems to present many and multiple difficulties. The times in which we life present us with challenges that seem more complex. Yet, life in any age has had its share of problems and difficulties. Nonetheless, many researchers feel that we, by our very nature, make life harder than it needs be.

 
The rules should be simple. Enjoy first who you are then enjoy the things you have. Most importantly, respect and enjoy the gift of the people in your life. We sometimes tend to take those good and kind people that we know for granted. That is for those who do so, a tremendous loss. Those of us, who have bad or negative people surrounding us, need not embrace them, but learn to distance ourselves from them. It is not necessary to treat these negative influences in a harsh or mean spirited manner, but self-protection from a negative environment can make all the difference in the world.

 
Enjoy the small joys that are there everyday, be it a sunrise, a spring rainfall, a soft white snow, or a moonlit night. Sit by the water, an ocean, or a lake or river, or even a tabletop fountain, for water is soothing to the spirit. Plan to be outside for a walk in a park and breathe in the beauty that surrounds you. Something that is very important is the need to count the blessings that you have. As harsh as life can be for us, it really can be, and often is, much more difficult for many others. It is also said that we can make ourselves sick with worry and fear. I also believe that the opposite is true as well, that we can heal ourselves with joy and faith. Isn't it time, to make ourselves happy and enjoy who and what we are? That is the true success story and the ultimate test of leadership.

 


 
Dr. Joseph L. Ciccone
Former Sheriff of Bergen County, NJ
DrCiccone@hotmail.com

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