Last night Tom's daughter, Sue, came out of her
room and said, "I got another one of those instant messages. It says, 'tomorrow
you had better not show up at school or else'." She has been getting messages
frequently. The result of this is that she no longer likes to turn her computer
on.
Sue is 14 years old and in the 8th
grade. She has been bullied at school for a number of years and she has had a
difficult time getting the Principal and teachers to end it. Sue has two
disadvantages that make her a target. First, she has always had a weight
problem, not extremely heavy but overweight. Second, her last name is hard to
pronounce. This has led to numerous ways to say and spell her name. Others have
been very creative and cruel. Tom is aware that she needs to lose weight but
what can he do about his last name….change it?
This should come as no surprise to anyone, but
as technology changes so do the bullies. Bullying has gone wireless. These are
situations our children face that we never did. How does this happen? The
Internet, cell phones with text messaging, instant messaging, camera phones and
e-mail are the bullies' new tools.
This is coming to a school near you if it hasn’t
already. The concerns involving cyber-bullying include:
1. Cyber-bullying can be much more damaging
psychologically and can be much more intense.
2. It creates a barrier between the bully and
the victim. This makes anyone who normally wouldn’t be a bully now becomes a
potential bully because there is no face-to-face contact. Smaller students have
found a way to bully.
3. It is very difficult to catch the bully. When
one is suspected or caught his or her defense is that it was someone else
impersonating them or someone used my password.
4. Camera phones are making cyber-bullying more
creative. They take a student’s picture and then they manipulate the photo. Then
it is posted on a website, e-mailed out, or posted on you-tube. Imagine getting
an e-mail of a nude individual with your face attached to it, and you're only a
teenager.
Parents must be aware
Many kids, including Sue, do not want to report
this problem to their parents for fear of how their parents may react. Many
believe their parents will take away their cell phone, computer, or Internet
access. This is an obvious solution to stopping the messages. Sue feels harassed
by the bully and then punished by her parents when her equipment is removed.
This is a double punishment for her. Parents should strongly consider removing
an Internet connection from a child's bedroom. Internet connections need to be
in a central location.
SOLUTIONS
– Ask questions and act as if you're unfamiliar
with the topic. For example, have you heard of anyone receiving improper
messages on their phone? Does anyone use their camera phones for taking pictures
of others who don't want their picture taken? Also, everything must be
documented.
Text Messaging When Sue receives an obscene message, threat, or abusive message on
her phone we want to teach her to not respond. Your wireless provider should be
notified.
Chat-rooms and Instant Messaging
1. She should never give out personal
information.
2. She should not share her password.
3. If Sue receives inappropriate messages, have
her disconnect or block the sender.
4. She should not respond to inappropriate
messages. We do not want a dialogue to begin.
5. She should avoid giving out the name of her
school.
6. No child should ever agree to meet anyone
from a chat-room. That 17 year-old stud just may be a 53 year-old bald man with
a potbelly.
E-Mail
Once again, when Sue is sent an inappropriate email, she should not respond.
Go to the source button to find out information on tracking where it was sent
from. If it was sent from someone at school, then print the e-mail to use as
proof. Sue's parents can contact the school or their service provider to see
what options are available. If there are threats involved, then contacting the
police is always an option.
Look into e-mail filters, creating folders for
these e-mails, and spam software to block them. Whatever you choose, it will
never be 100% perfect in blocking unwanted e-mails. Filters do not block
cyber-bullying messages.
Handling the topic of cyber-bullying with your
child before it becomes a problem will make it easier when and if it becomes a
problem. Your child needs your guidance and ignoring this issue does not help or
support anyone who is a victim of cyber-bullying.
About the Author:
Derek Randel is a parent coach who speaks
nationally on how to remove the yelling from your home and how to protect your
child/student from bullying and school violence.
Derek has been seen on many television shows and
is heard on radio shows around the country. He shares his years of experience
as a high school and middle school educator and was nominated for a Disney
American Teacher Award. He also is a certified stepfamily coach through the
Step-Family Foundation. For more information visit www.stoppingschoolviolence.com.
