My 19-year old son is being bullied. I’ve been thinking on this long and hard. I will admit, there were moments when my rage over what was being done was so great that I could hardly speak and the thoughts going through my head were definitely along the lines of wanting to do physical damage to someone (namely the bully – and isn’t that just the problem). But at some point, despite the ongoing and continuous threats against my son, I realized that in a bully-bullied relationship, everyone is a victim, and both the bully and the bullied need to know they have options, that they have choices other than the ones they’ve employed thus far. So, as I lay in bed tonight, after a midnight call from the bullies making crank calls to our home, I allowed myself the opportunity to go inside the mind of the bully and I was deeply touched by what I learned there. As a result, I offer this prayer, to the bullies, and to the bullied.
To the child within you who has felt the sting and shock of an unprovoked slap across the face, I offer you a cool cloth and I tell you you did nothing wrong, that despite the pain, both physical and emotional, this is not about you.
To the child within you who has known the weight and burn of a leather belt across your back far too many times to count, I offer you a salve, a gentle touch, a light cotton sheet, a loving hand on your head and a whisper in your ear that it’s over now. That even though you may not believe me right now, someday you will be able to leave the pain behind and reclaim your power.
To the child within you who has hardened your heart and put on your tough guy/girl face to cover up the fact that you need to skip gym class for fear others will see your bruises, I take you aside and tell you authentically that while I know you’re tough, I also see how amazing you are and that I know someday you will do great things in the world.
To the child within you who has been touched inappropriately by the very person who is supposed to keep you safe, I offer you a warm blanket, a cup of hot chocolate with marshmallows, I pledge to listen to your words or your silence without judgment and I tell you there is no shame in what’s been done to you. What was done to you was wrong and the fault lies completely with the person who did it to you. I tell you that you are still brand new inside and when you’re ready, you will emerge true and strong.
To the bully you have become, I tell you I am sorry that you have known the fear of physical pain. I am sorry you are far too familiar with the sick feeling in your gut at the anticipation of being screamed at without knowing the reason why. I am sorry you have been made to feel ‘less’ than you really are.
I offer you this prayer so that you may know that you are whole inside, even though you may feel broken. So that you may know you are worthy even though you have been led to believe you are nothing. So that you know that even though you have been taught that this is the way – there are other choices. You can choose to dig deep into that well of light within you and become who you were meant to be rather than who you were conditioned to be. Every time you feel the need to put someone else down you can choose instead to do nothing. Every time you feel you have to prove yourself or how tough you are, you can choose to know you are everything, hence you have nothing to prove. Every time you would raise a hand against another, you can remember how it made you feel when someone raised a hand against you and you can choose not to be the type of person who would knowingly do that to another.
To every bully out there I offer you unconditional love and I wish for you even a single moment when you can feel what that truly means. For once you have known it, you cannot un-know it, and it will change you.
To those who are bullied, know that it is your light that creates fear in those who walk in darkness. Know that what they do is driven by fear – theirs, not yours. Trust that your light is bright enough and strong enough to push the darkness back. Know that you are stronger than you can imagine. Hang on, no matter what. One day you will look back and know that you are stronger for the experience. Know that someday the scars you carry from your experiences are likely only a fraction of those your bully carries. Leave a place in your heart for forgiveness, even if it seems impossible today.
To those who are bullied I offer you unconditional love and I wish for you even a single moment when you can feel what that truly means. For once you have known it, you cannot un-know it, and it will change you.
Amen.
About the Author
A Spiritual/Life Coach, author and speaker, Trish was formerly an IT Consultant designing and implementing global enterprise learning solutions for Fortune 500 companies. Upon realizing a deep level of discontent and feeling unfulfilled, Trish walked away from a lucrative corporate career to focus on helping others reclaim their lives. ?The Question JourneyTM? is the first of several books planned in a series of similar books. http://blog.thequestionjourney.com/