Speak with Good Purpose is the third of the 8
Key Catalysts-principals to live by that give life meaning. It's developing the
skill of speaking in a positive sense with good intent-being responsible for our
words.
SPEAK WITH GOOD PURPOSE
Think before you speak and communicate with
positive intent.
We’ve all had times in our lives when we’ve felt
both the negative and the positive impact of words. We know from personal
experience that words have the power to build people up and bring them down.
They can uplift and enlighten, or depress and destroy. We have complete control
over the words we use, so we need to choose them carefully.
Why Speak with Good Purpose?
A few cutting words, let loose in a
moment of anger, can wound someone for a lifetime. You may remember a time in
high school when a friend said something cruel such as you had a "retarded
smile," or when your uncle quipped about your "bird legs,” or when your teacher
discouraged you from going after that high-octane math class because "you're no
good at numbers"? I remember to this day the pain I felt when I was ice skating
as a child and heard my mother snickering with her friend about how badly I was
skating, as they sat in the stands and watched me flounder. I know she was sure
I couldn't hear her, but I did and it hurt. Hurtful comments can stay with us a
long time.
On the other hand, we've all had
many moments when a few kind words made all the difference. Think about how you
feel when someone tells you, "I know you can do it” or “You look terrific today”
just when you needed to hear some encouraging or complimentary words.
Words matter. I don't know who came
up with that phrase about "sticks and stones," but they were wrong. Words can
hurt. They can also heal. What we say has an impact.
It’s all about awareness.
Every spring in our organization, we
each draw one of the 8 Key Catalysts to focus on during our busy summer period.
Last spring I drew Speak with Good Purpose and my initial reaction was that I
don’t have a problem there … I always speak with good purpose. Remembering
my appeal to staff members to “really go deep and focus on your key," I looked
more deeply. Where have I crossed the line? Maybe I did talk to the wrong
manager about a staff member, thinking I was just clarifying my thoughts.
Maybe my awareness has slipped? How can I up it?
I believe the first step in speaking
with good purpose is awareness. Positive communication is a matter of training
yourself to monitor your thoughts before they become speech. Negative ideas or
impressions may be among your thoughts, but you can “delete” them-you don’t have
to give them the power of spoken words. With practice, we learn to focus on
giving words to positive thoughts, recognizing people's strengths, and offering
praise and encouragement.
Think about the intention of your
words
I remember my mom telling me many
times as a child to “think twice before you speak,” and I still reflect on those
words, perhaps even more now than I did during my childhood. Now I try to think
about the intention of my words. Are they meant to support the person and build
a stronger relationship? Are they focused on finding a solution? Speaking with
good purpose is not just about what to communicate but what to avoid
communicating and how to communicate feelings that are not positive.
Gossiping, complaining, and nagging
are very destructive ways of airing negative thoughts. They pollute the
atmosphere of our relationships-and relationships can’t grow in a polluted
atmosphere. But if the intention is positive, we can communicate negative
thoughts by saying them in a supportive way, in a context of healing and
preserving the relationship. It's all about the intention of our words.
Think about the difference between, "You're so sloppy-your work area is a mess,"
and "I'm uncomfortable sharing an office with you because we have such different
ideas about organization." The same idea expressed without barbs is a far more
productive statement of the situation, especially when intention is considered.
Given the thought they require, the expression of negative thoughts can
enhance relationships.
Speak with Good Purpose is such a powerful Key
in building relationships that I'll continue with it next month. We’ll look at
Visible Communication (“Got a minute?” is an example of invisible
communication) and Communication Killers (for example, “I know exactly
how you feel”), plus two effective communication tools.
About the Author:
Bobbi DePorter is the author of
Quantum Success and other books on learning and teaching, and is president
of Quantum Learning Network (QLN) and cofounder of SuperCamp. QLN produces
programs for students, educators, parents and business people across the United
States and abroad. For more information visit
www.QLN.com
or email info@QLN.com
.
