≡ Menu

Lessons on Forgiveness: Stop Punishing Your Future

We’ve all seen people who walk around with a chip on their shoulders. People who never get over a wrong or a hurt. You know exactly who I’m talking about.

As a divorce attorney, I came into contact with many people who built great big walls around themselves to avoid getting hurt again. In fact, I myself discovered the art of building a fortress around my own heart. It contained a tiny little door that only my children, dog, and cat could squeeze through. Heaven help the man who tried to love me and knock those bricks down!

I wanted love, but I didn’t want to be hurt again. While I remained imprisoned inside my walled-fortress, thinking I was punishing my ex, who in reality moved on with his life, I was withering away emotionally.

My story is not unusual, I know that. You too have story. We are all on earth right now learning some important spiritual lessons. Obstacles and challenges are a part of the plan. We can not avoid them. But what we can do is develop better abilities to respond to these life challenges.

One day it hit me! I was destroying the future by playing the victim! Poor me! My husband did this to me! As long as I was blaming him, I did not have to look at myself. I did not have to take any responsibility at all for my piece in the break-up of the marriage. How convenient.

The truth is, and I’m embarrassed to say, it took my second husband to teach me the importance of forgiving. I met Michael in Israel on a volunteer program. He was handsome and I knew I could trust him. Michael had a faith in God that I admired. He was wise and gave me space and time to learn how to trust, be vulnerable, and love again.

As the walls came down, my heart opened and I allowed him to lead me through a forgiveness process. We took out my box of past memories, which was actually a box of past hurts! It held notes and letters from everyone who wronged me or hurt me. I held onto them because they were the proof of how they all hurt me. We had a ceremony. I shared the notes with him, I asked God to help me forgive them, I asked to forgive myself and we burned them.

It was the first layer of forgiveness. As I forgave, I stopped being a victim. I found my real strength. I started liking who I was. I softened. I’m not saying all this happened immediately, but over the next year, the bricks on my wall began to disintegrate and I stopped punishing my future!
With forgiveness, I learned that I could be hurt and heal again. It was within MY ability to bounce back! Now that is real, authentic power!

I learned:

You cannot drive the car forward looking in the rear-view mirror.

Here are 3 helpful next steps if you are ready to forgive:

  • Set an intention and vision for where you want to be, and then ask what is the next step? Remember the past does not equal the future.
  • A door must close in order for a new one to open. When they first close, it’s scary, later the blessings are revealed. If we focus on our fears, on that closed door, we leave no room for the new one to open. Don’t let your past punish your future.
  • Accept the past as fact, don’t try to change it. From a spiritual perspective, there is no right or wrong path, all are lessons. From a human perspective, some paths are easier than others. It’s nice to be able to learn lessons in a more gentle way rather than the banging our heads against a wall way. Acceptance allows us to be on a gentler path, where we no longer beat ourselves up.

About the Author

Lori Rubenstein has transcended many times in her life, moving from the role of divorce attorney to forgiveness teacher. She is a beacon of light for those stuck in the pain of their past. She is the author of three transformational books: Transcending Divorce: A Guide for Personal Growth and Transformation and Freedom from Abuse: Finding Yourself Again, and her newest book Forgiveness: Heal Your Past and Find the Peace YOU Deserve with her “4-step Living with Forgiveness” process, will be coming out in the Fall of 2012. For more about Lori, go to www.LoriRubenstein.com and you may view her Forgiving the Unforgivable Video here: http://youtu.be/KUEMc8vZcT8

{ 39 comments… add one }

  • stock loans March 8, 2019, 9:37 am

    Good post however , I was wanting to know if you could write a
    litte more on this subject? I’d be very grateful if you could elaborate a little bit more.
    Cheers!

  • gamefly free trial May 22, 2019, 3:26 am

    I read this article completely regarding the comparison of most up-to-date and preceding technologies, it’s amazing article.

  • how to get help in windows 10 May 25, 2019, 10:49 am

    It’s very straightforward to find out any matter on net as compared to textbooks, as I found this post at this site.

  • how to get help in windows 10 May 27, 2019, 5:14 pm

    hey there and thank you for your info – I’ve definitely picked up
    anything new from right here. I did however expertise a few technical points using this web site, as I
    experienced to reload the web site lots of times previous to I could get it to load properly.

    I had been wondering if your hosting is OK?
    Not that I’m complaining, but slow loading instances times will very frequently affect your placement in google and could damage your high-quality score if
    advertising and marketing with Adwords.
    Well I am adding this RSS to my e-mail and can look out for a lot more
    of your respective interesting content. Ensure that
    you update this again very soon.

  • gamefly free trial May 27, 2019, 5:15 pm

    I’m now not positive where you are getting your information, however good topic.
    I must spend some time learning more or working out more.
    Thanks for excellent info I was searching for this information for my mission.

  • gamefly free trial May 27, 2019, 5:20 pm

    Wonderful blog! I found it while browsing on Yahoo
    News. Do you have any suggestions on how to get listed in Yahoo
    News? I’ve been trying for a while but I never
    seem to get there! Cheers

  • how to get help in windows 10 May 27, 2019, 5:24 pm

    Fantastic beat ! I would like to apprentice while you amend your website, how can i subscribe
    for a blog website? The account helped me a acceptable deal.
    I had been tiny bit acquainted of this your broadcast offered bright clear
    concept

  • how to get help in windows 10 May 27, 2019, 5:25 pm

    I’m not sure exactly why but this site is loading incredibly slow for me.

    Is anyone else having this issue or is it a problem on my end?

    I’ll check back later and see if the problem still exists.

  • gamefly free trial May 28, 2019, 4:26 am

    Thank you for sharing your info. I really appreciate your efforts and I will be waiting for your further post thank you once again.

  • how to get help in windows 10 May 30, 2019, 5:37 am

    I was recommended this website by my cousin. I am not sure whether this post is
    written by him as nobody else know such detailed about my problem.
    You are incredible! Thanks!

  • gamefly free trial June 2, 2019, 10:21 pm

    Very nice post. I just stumbled upon your blog and wanted to say
    that I have really enjoyed surfing around your blog posts.
    After all I’ll be subscribing to your rss feed and I hope you
    write again very soon!

  • gamefly free trial June 3, 2019, 9:27 am

    It’s very straightforward to find out any matter on web as compared to books, as I found this piece of writing at
    this web site.

  • gamefly free trial June 3, 2019, 11:00 am

    Hello! Someone in my Facebook group shared this website
    with us so I came to take a look. I’m definitely
    loving the information. I’m book-marking and will be tweeting this to my followers!
    Great blog and brilliant design.

  • gamefly free trial 2019 coupon June 10, 2019, 3:33 pm

    Wonderful post! We are linking to this particularly great content on our site.

    Keep up the great writing.

  • I really like what you guys are usually up too.
    This sort of clever work and reporting! Keep up the superb
    works guys I’ve incorporated you guys to blogroll.

  • quest bars cheap June 14, 2019, 10:31 pm

    Saved as a favorite, I like your website!

  • quest bars June 16, 2019, 2:22 pm

    Hmm it seems like your website ate my first comment (it was super long) so I guess I’ll just sum it up what I had written and say, I’m thoroughly enjoying your blog.
    I as well am an aspiring blog writer but I’m still new
    to the whole thing. Do you have any tips for beginner blog writers?
    I’d definitely appreciate it.

  • plenty of fish dating site July 18, 2019, 11:47 am

    Hmm it appears like your blog ate my first comment (it was super long) so I guess I’ll
    just sum it up what I had written and say, I’m thoroughly enjoying your blog.
    I as well am an aspiring blog writer but I’m still new to the whole
    thing. Do you have any points for rookie blog writers? I’d certainly appreciate it.

  • how to get help in windows 10 July 20, 2019, 2:02 pm

    Hello there, I discovered your blog via Google at the same time
    as looking for a related subject, your website got here up, it seems good.
    I have bookmarked it in my google bookmarks.
    Hi there, simply changed into aware of your blog thru Google, and located that
    it’s truly informative. I am gonna be careful for brussels.
    I’ll appreciate if you continue this in future. Numerous other folks can be benefited from your writing.
    Cheers!

  • natalielise July 23, 2019, 10:21 am

    Yes! Finally someone writes about natalielise. pof natalielise

  • plenty of fish dating site July 23, 2019, 10:31 pm

    Have you ever thought about writing an e-book or guest authoring on other sites?
    I have a blog based on the same topics you discuss and would really like to have you share some stories/information. I know my viewers would enjoy your
    work. If you’re even remotely interested, feel free
    to send me an e-mail.

  • plenty of fish dating site July 25, 2019, 10:49 am

    Heya fantastic website! Does running a blog similar to
    this take a lot of work? I have virtually no knowledge
    of computer programming but I was hoping to start my own blog soon. Anyway, should you have any ideas or tips for new blog owners please
    share. I know this is off subject but I just needed to ask.
    Kudos!

  • plenty of fish July 31, 2019, 1:44 am

    My brother suggested I might like this web site. He was entirely right.
    This post actually made my day. You cann’t imagine just how much time I had spent
    for this info! Thanks!

  • pof https://natalielise.tumblr.com August 1, 2019, 1:20 am

    I know this site presents quality depending articles and extra data,
    is there any other website which gives such information in quality?
    pof natalielise

  • pof https://natalielise.tumblr.com August 2, 2019, 3:08 am

    Generally I don’t read post on blogs, however I wish to
    say that this write-up very pressured me to take a look at and do so!
    Your writing style has been amazed me. Thanks, very great
    article. plenty of fish natalielise

  • plenty of fish dating site August 14, 2019, 12:20 pm

    Great beat ! I wish to apprentice even as
    you amend your site, how could i subscribe for a blog website?

    The account helped me a acceptable deal. I have been a little
    bit acquainted of this your broadcast provided vibrant
    clear idea

  • plenty of fish dating site August 14, 2019, 12:36 pm

    Great article, just what I needed.

  • quest bars cheap August 24, 2019, 5:25 am

    I have been exploring for a bit for any high quality articles or weblog posts on this sort of area .
    Exploring in Yahoo I at last stumbled upon this site.
    Studying this information So i’m glad to show that I have an incredibly just right uncanny feeling I found out
    exactly what I needed. I so much definitely will make sure to do not disregard this site and give it a glance regularly.

  • Marty September 1, 2019, 6:06 pm

    Hi there i am kavin, its my first time to commenting anywhere,
    when i read this article i thought i could also make comment due to this
    good post.

  • minecraft games September 2, 2019, 10:30 pm

    Hi there, yeah this piece of writing is in fact fastidious and I have learned lot of things from it regarding blogging.
    thanks.

  • minecraft games September 3, 2019, 12:07 am

    Appreciate this post. Will try it out.

  • minecraft games September 5, 2019, 9:04 am

    I’m gone to say to my little brother, that he should also visit this web site on regular basis to get
    updated from most recent reports.

  • quest bars cheap September 6, 2019, 12:28 pm

    My partner and I stumbled over here by a different web address and thought I may as well check things out.
    I like what I see so now i am following you.
    Look forward to checking out your web page yet again.

  • ETIAS Visa September 6, 2019, 2:56 pm

    Hello everyone, it’s my first pay a visit at this web site, and paragraph is really fruitful for me,
    keep up posting these types of content.

  • quest bars cheap September 8, 2019, 4:08 am

    Hello There. I found your weblog the use of msn. This is a really well written article.
    I’ll be sure to bookmark it and come back to learn more of
    your helpful information. Thank you for the post. I’ll certainly
    comeback.

  • 9282402755 September 16, 2019, 11:36 pm

    Attractive section of content. I just stumbled upon your website and in accession capital to assert
    that I get actually enjoyed account your blog posts.

    Anyway I’ll be subscribing to your feeds and even I achievement you access
    consistently rapidly.

  • minecraft games September 17, 2019, 1:27 am

    Right here is the right web site for anyone who really wants to understand this
    topic. You realize so much its almost tough to
    argue with you (not that I actually would want to…HaHa).

    You definitely put a brand new spin on a subject that has been written about for years.
    Great stuff, just great!

  • minecraft games September 18, 2019, 11:36 am

    Write more, thats all I have to say. Literally, it seems as
    though you relied on the video to make your point. You
    clearly know what youre talking about, why waste your intelligence on just posting videos to your weblog when you could be giving us something
    informative to read?

  • ESTA offdicial September 18, 2019, 3:57 pm

    You’re so interesting! I do not think I’ve truly read anything like that before.
    So good to find somebody with original thoughts on this subject.
    Seriously.. thanks for starting this up. This web site is one thing
    that is required on the internet, someone with a bit of originality!

Leave a Comment