- The Scammer- If he seems too good to be true, he probably is. He may be out for your money or valuables, but mask this by presenting as wealthy himself. He may “flash his cash” and treat you to expensive dates at first or brag about his [supposed] assets or large scale business dealings. You will know something is up when he cannot back up his claims with proof. Once he knows that he “has you” he may then come up with a hard luck story about his “assets being tied up” and ask “for a loan” from you. The scams are endless, so be careful.
- The Stalker- If you find that your new love interest suddenly shows up in places where you frequent, but makes it seem like a coincidence, this may be trouble. If he also knows or mentions information that you know you only told someone else in private, he may have bugged your cell phone or residence. It might feel wonderful to have a guy ask for your email address, phone number, or “what your week looks like”, but in reality he may be using these tactics as a way to learn your schedule and habits.
- The Abuser- Ask about previous relationships and how they ended. If he is vague about this, or makes some excuse like “oh that’s boring” and always redirects the conversation back to you or other topics, this is grounds for possible concern. Abusers may begin their destructive pattern verbally by, for example, belittling you or telling you how frivolous your interests are. Then, as time goes by, he escalates to physical abuse. He is subtle, and his behavior will start small, like a small push or shove at first. Before you know it, he is bashing your head against the wall.
- The Unfaithful- Ask for a home telephone number. If he hesitates or says that he does not have one, then make a point to call between 8 and 10pm. If he never answers, this may be a sign that he is married or in a committed relationship. You may also know that he may be seeing another woman when he cannot account for time that he has been out of touch with you.
- The Game Player- Does your man say one thing, but does another? Does he make promises and then fail to keep them? Do you find that he says what he thinks that you want to hear? Are you constantly confused and never seem to be able to put your finger on who this guy really is or what his motives are? When beginning to date, pay attention to your own intuition or “inner voice” that may be warning you when a guy may be playing games.
- The Jealous- Does he come unglued when you talk to someone of the opposite sex even if he is a stranger? Does he automatically think that you are having an affair if your male coworker calls you about a project? Does his reaction to your plans to go out with the girls seem out of proportion?
- The Boundary Violator- Does he respect your boundaries and know what a comfortable progression toward intimacy is? If he calls you 14 times a day, leaves voice mails, then attacks you for not calling him back right away, then this is a big a problem. Another sign of trouble is if he expects you to move in with him after only dating for a month.
- The Liar- Do you catch him in “little white lies” that he shrugs off as miscommunications? Does he tell you that he loves all of the same activities as you do (like you are 2 peas in a pod, just destined to be soul mates)? Does he say things that contradict each other? Does his story change?
- Controller- He may text you just to say he is thinking about you and that is nice, but notice if the attention increases in intensity and frequency. Does he limit who you see outside of your relationship, become upset when you speak to family members on the phone, or insist on knowing where you are every moment of the day when you are not with him?
- The Narcissist- He demands to be the center of attention and becomes angry if he isn’t. He is socially inept; he talks only about himself and asks no questions about you. He lacks empathy; he “doesn’t get it” when you become upset about something that he did or did not do. He also believes that he “is special” and that he does not have to live by the same rules as everyone else.
About the Author:
Tracie Hammelman is author of the book Psychotherapy for the 21st Century: Quantum Physics and The Law of Attraction. She has practiced psychotherapy for 20 years and specializes in marriage/couples therapy. She also coaches psychotherapists marketing techniques to double or triple their income in three to 6 months. She can be reached at www.21stCenturyPsychotherapy.com or (713) 402-8970.
